caitaro: (Default)
FOR IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY >:O


also i rented Megamind and Despicable me.

Megamind suxed... it was interesting, but not that amazing.

Despicable me had some funny parts, but was just -ok-.
caitaro: (Default)
Sooo.. i get home from work.. and the people in the hotel room next to me are most definitely having sex... or are suffering from some sort of asthma attack.

...*scarred for life* XD


I also uploaded a bunch of new pics on my facebook..


and shane is working at walmart GASP!
caitaro: (Default)
I AM NOT WRONG FOR BEING CONCERNED.


Here's the advice I got from PROFESSIONAL counselors.

Looks like your friend is making some sudden, quick, and dramatic changes that are quite serious. Perhaps something has happened to him since college that has triggered this odd behavior. It seems like he is asking for someone's help by acting out this way. Perhaps it's best to sit down and have a serious talk about what is going on with all the changes. Sounds like he really wants someone there to find out what's wrong and support him in whatever he is going through. There are many hotlines and services that he can call to get help too, should he need it and depending on the issue that he is dealing with.


I am CONCERNED for you, Travis. Nothing More.


..and about shane.


I will say, though, that you shouldn't let him interfere with your own life and your own education. You do have to worry about yourself, too. If he is threatening suicide, then it's time to tell his parents (does he get along okay with them?) or the school's counselor. That's something which requires more help and support than you can provide him with. That's not to say that friends can't be helpful or supportive in those times; they can, but he's going to need some professional help in dealing with these suicidial thoughts.

However, you are right in seeing that his behavior might start affecting you if you continue to hang around him. If you should feel that he is not a good influence on you, remove yourself from the situation. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing. If you feel like the relationship can only be destructive to you, then you are right in trying to cut off contact.




If I REALLY AM such a horrible person, you guys WOULDN'T have hung around me for so long -_-.

In all reality, everything I do involving you guys is because I am concerned for you. If you wouldnt have changed, I wouldnt have been concerend.
caitaro: (Default)
well i went to shanes last night w/ cory..

and we had a good time XP

we played ssbm, pac man, FF:CC, and 4 swords..

'twas fun..

XP

but it was hot T_T

and i didn't wanna disterb shanes air conditioning, lol

so i stayed up all night..

and i think i fell aslleep a couple times while playing 4 swords, LOL cuz i was like.....

looking at my gameboy when i was supposed to be lookin at the TV and stuff lol

then a circut breaker thing blew and we shut it off..

and we worked on my dress thing.

and the 19th i didn't eat anything all day XD cuz was busy with gettin ready.. then at shanes house *shrug*

I LAIKE TO FAST!~

Cory: BUT WE CANT AFFORD IT..

Cait: HAHA

cory: IM GUNNA BREAK YOUR LEGS.. again.. again.


Oh yeah and we wtched yugioh abridged and it was funny..

and i downloaded most of tsubasa chronicles.. except for episodes 1, 4, 12, 13, 14, 18, 21, 24, 25, 26 from the FIRST season

and i need to download those T_T
but i dunno some place that has em for like 30-50MBs that supports resume *sob*

and were having pork chops

annd my feet hurt from standing up


..and im kinda tired.

Sigh

Jun. 29th, 2008 09:02 pm
caitaro: (Default)
I duno what the hecks goin on.

But i think it amounts to shane things im purposely avoiding him or making him mad.


I dont like to hang out a lot. I like being alone, i like keeping to myself.

I like being a hermit, and if everyone on the world disapeared never to be seen again, i would be just fine with it.


I hate the emotion of anger, and humans seem to be the only ones that express it for no apaprent reason.


Its like... If i say we can hang out on ______ Day, and i say yes, then that means yes.

iF something comes up, then i cant really help it! and i WOULD NEVER EVER do something like that JUST to piss him off.

I HATE the emotion of anger.. with a passion. I hate people who have anger PROBLEMS..

why would i PURPOSELY MAKE somoene angry?!?!?!
I wouldnt.

This is why i dont tell courney keene shes a slut. This is why i dont tell danielle shes becomming a slut. This is why i hold back most of the times when telling my dad his GF is a blithering idiot thats using him for fixing things.

I would like NOTHING MORE than to have NO ANGER in the world EVER AGAIN.


For this weekend, he asks if we can hang out this weekend.. Im busy and i know i cant.. I have about 20hrs of movie and 10 hours of game to do.... along with finishing episode 1 on trickster.. getting stuff around for michigan works, then actually going there on monday.

Dad also wants to get the pool up.. he started bringing in the sand for it.

Yeah Travis came over last wednesday, but we went to michigan works.. and watched some of my 20hrs of movie (LOST).. we didnt even get NEAR any video game system..
We were also going to go to JCC in jackson and sell travis' books back.. and my stress management book... but they were closed x_X

I think that shane just has some...

increasingly bad paranoia problems.. i would never want him to be mad.. I would never like him to feel sad or depressed or anything..

But if he NEEDS ME to not be sad or depressed.. Then I dont know what to tell him.

to my knowlege, friendship doesnt mean that i need to put him before everything else. Put him before things with a time limit.. (like... movie rentasls, my math class)

That stuff costs money.

and saving money comes before EVERYTHING in my life, because i am lucky to get anything the FIRST time VERY MUCH LESS a second time..

If my dad takes me to rent movies, i feel very privilaged, because it doesnt happen very often.. because we cant afford to do it very often.

Without corys social security we would most definatley have to move. House payment is over 1100$ a month.. and my dad only makes $2000 a month. Yeah i see a problem too.



Supposidly shane left me a comment on facebook.

Travis said it was in my best interests if i dont read it.

So im not going to.

Im going to ask travis to delete it for me...

Because the shane I know and love..

doesnt have paranoia problems.. he likesme for me.. no matter what i do.. and appreciate the time we spend together.. and doesnt try to FORCE me to hang out or whatever..

See i want friends that like me no matter what.. even if that means i only wanna hang out once or twice a month.. ones who can ACCEPT that I dont like being with people.. That i dont believe in love anymore... its hard for me to trust people, you know.. after all ive been through with various people.

A real friend would cherish the time we have together.. and not complain about me or my ways...

I cannot accept imperfection.. I cannot accept major flaws...

I know humanity has a lot of flaws...

so..


If this means that i dont get to have ANY friends, then so be it.
caitaro: (Default)
So shane came over today...
We sat in my room and did everything short of gettin naked / secksual stuff XD (ok not really but :o)

It is an interesting experience, but still regardless it feels stoic - like everything else - to me...

If someone were to sit next to me and have a conversation.. or if someone were to be sitting in my lap having a conversation.. It is the same to me..

I dont feel.... I duno, secksually excited or whatever if someone was in my lap.

when normal people would feel..... SOMETHING at least.. a physical connection or something.


But, yeah, just nothing :P

But it wasnt bad or boring, so i guess that was good :p


He kept asking me "how do you feeeel?" and its like "I feel.. alright.. i feel okay" XP



I just figure i'm emotionally challenged or something...

XP

i duno

In other bad n00z..

My Lappy monitor now has 4-5 horizontal lines across the bottom which are always there...

but it has been like that for awhile..

HOWEVER... there is now a VERTICLE line on the right side.. so its making sort of a grid XD but it's not there all the time.. only some times..

So i've been looking for some monitors..

and OMG.. I have 3 monitors in this house... The one hooked to the other PC... which is the only thing that can go higher than 800x600.. WONT work with it.. however the 2 older monitors.. 1 which is ungodly old (like windows 3.1 era) works fine, but wont go higher than 800x600.. and the other one it works with, but the monitor is UNGODLY fuzzy. (but still wont go higher than 800x600)

Sooooooooooo yeah im guna be looking for a new monitor at garage sales this summer..

at walmart theres flat panel one for 140$...

but im prolly gunna find a nice CRT one for like 5$...

but yeah...

im almost done with my latch hook.. only got the fish to do...



O yeah and one of my ghost shrimp is pregnant ^_^ her eggs are developing behind her stomache.. they will eventually move down below her stomache and she'll have babies ^^

hopefully they wont eat the babies ^_^
caitaro: (Default)
Today is shane's b-day! happy bday ^^
caitaro: (Default)
Today for the most part... (well yesterday now i guess)

was good.

I woke up at 8am to send tristan's letter (omg how do you spell his name??? >_<<)

and we had NO stamps.. ugh


dad wouldnt go GET stamps so im like..

EFF this i am going back to bed.

so i woke up at 3pm XDDD

and... im like hmmm i feel okay today.. which is abnormal cuz usually im emo and hate the world XD

I think dad told me he cleaned bunny pans o_O i dont remember >_<

but anyway...

So i got on the el interneto to see if travis and/or shane was on to see when they could come over...

well travis was on.. but he wasnt responding.. so i go and do stuff.. and then he does respond...

and he had a 'secksual' prosistion for me.

me and his mom and him go to applebees..

well im not too entirely fond of applebees.. its expensive and the onyl thing i like there is the chicken fingers...

so im like "eehhhhh" i dunooo..

hes like "oh its fine~" or whatever..

and then its like "what about shane???"

and this is what shane told us. (and i quote)

Seikin Shane (4:22:44 PM): she almost refuses to even hang out with me unless you are there
Broadway969 (4:22:50 PM): Well
Broadway969 (4:23:01 PM): if you still wanna go, I can borrow money from trevor ><


Cait: why dont you just take him instead


Seikin Shane (4:23:15 PM): its fine
Seikin Shane (4:23:26 PM): i dont really like applebees anyway xD
Broadway969 (4:23:30 PM): Lol


Cait: shane not liking food???
Cait: I dont believe it


Travis: He's ok
Cait: alright....


Then so we went... and he pulled out of my driveway INTO THE SHOULDER claiming "I THOUGHT THERE WERE 3 LANES!!" XDD

then there were NOOO parking spots... so travis like drove around for awhile... and this lady was like forked in the bokki...

so we finally got a spot.. and we got in and we got seated right then...

So i got the chicken fingers obviously with fries XD
travis got this pasta thing..
and his mom got this steak, onion rings, and baked potato.

Umm and travis' mom got some Tea and shes like.. started drinking this and shes like "...this tastes like hot water.."
and travis was like "THAT IS HOT WATER!! YOU DIDNT PUT THE BAG IN IT!!!"
and shes like "oh" XDDD!!!

so we got our food and my fries were not very good cuz they tasted old and soggy and ew...
and my chicken was -ok-

and then we got dessert thing.. i got a chocolate moossee thing and they got hot fudge dundae things..

and then they went to pay for it and ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE XD

they had 2 gift cards, okay.. and one of them was all used up.. and the other one had 5.77 left on it.. But travis was flipping out thinking they UNDERCHARGED us 20$ and then we still had to pay 5.77 insted of 5.77 being left on the card... so he was FLIPPING out.. looking around.. he thought people were gunna come and yell at him XD

then hes like "OMG THE TIP!!!" XD
and so he left $5 and a BUTTLOAD Of change thinking it was the 5.77 he still "owed" and he BOLTED out of there becuase he thought we were going to get in trouble for "not leaving a tip" lmao..

he like RAN to the car and had it started before we even got out there XDDD!!! it was funny...

so then we explained what REALLY happened and he calmed down, lol so we went back to travis' to drop his mom off and get some stuff.. then we went to my house...

and i got on AIM to see if shane was on so he could come over.. and well all hell broke loose again....

Caiternoodle (8:31:48 PM): pantsu
Seikin Shane (8:30:38 PM): what about them?
Caiternoodle (8:32:05 PM): im wearing them
Seikin Shane (8:31:03 PM): congrats?
Caiternoodle (8:32:39 PM): o.o
Seikin Shane (8:31:28 PM): so how was applebees?
Caiternoodle (8:32:56 PM): hillarious XD
Caiternoodle (8:33:04 PM): Travis thought he didnt have enough money and was FLIPPING out XD
Seikin Shane (8:31:36 PM): and whats with that face?
Caiternoodle (8:33:27 PM): pants?
Seikin Shane (8:32:48 PM): so blarg, im bored
Caiternoodle (8:34:17 PM): im pantsed
Seikin Shane (8:33:05 PM): someone pulled your pants down?
Caiternoodle (8:34:32 PM): yeah:O
Seikin Shane (8:33:59 PM): maybe i will come and get christmas presents
Seikin Shane (8:34:27 PM): unless you have some reason that you dont want me coming over
Caiternoodle (8:35:54 PM): then go home??
Seikin Shane (8:34:53 PM): it all depends on what you want
Caiternoodle (8:36:47 PM): well
Caiternoodle (8:36:57 PM): did you wanna hang outt???
Seikin Shane (8:35:44 PM): that was kind of the idea
Seikin Shane (8:36:16 PM): im not going to come over and get things and just leave
Caiternoodle (8:37:42 PM): well you seem to not be in a very good mood so i didnt knosw :\
Seikin Shane (8:36:42 PM): well, can I come over?
Caiternoodle (8:38:30 PM): as long as you feel emotionally stable :o its fine
Seikin Shane (8:37:23 PM): lol i am never emotionally stable
Caiternoodle (8:38:54 PM): then you can never come over
Caiternoodle (8:38:55 PM): jk
Caiternoodle (8:38:58 PM): lol
Seikin Shane (8:37:37 PM): its not like im going to kill you and rape your dead body
Caiternoodle (8:39:19 PM): well i duno if you are feeling particularly angry today or
Caiternoodle (8:39:20 PM): XD
Seikin Shane (8:38:12 PM): well I am upset
Caiternoodle (8:39:37 PM): why???
Seikin Shane (8:38:27 PM): because of something travis said
Caiternoodle (8:39:57 PM): what did he say? o_O
Seikin Shane (8:38:53 PM): well he was talking about how he didnt have enough for him ti take us both you know
Seikin Shane (8:39:05 PM): i dont really mind that he didnt ask me to or anything
Caiternoodle (8:40:37 PM): He offered to take you...
Seikin Shane (8:39:32 PM): but he said "I can't choose between you and cait" but he did, and he does all the time xD
Caiternoodle (8:41:05 PM): I offered to give up my spot so you could go too..
Seikin Shane (8:40:15 PM): we are supposed to be the 3.14 amigos though xD
Seikin Shane (8:40:50 PM): im not mad that he didnt take me
Caiternoodle (8:42:26 PM): so mad and upset are 2 different things??? lol
Seikin Shane (8:41:09 PM): yes
Seikin Shane (8:41:24 PM): upset is more close to sad
Caiternoodle (8:43:14 PM): Seikin Shane (4:22:44 PM): she almost refuses to even hang out with me unless you are there Broadway969 (4:22:50 PM): Well Broadway969 (4:23:01 PM): if you still wanna go, I can borrow money from trevor >< Seikin Shane (4:23:15 PM): its fine Seikin Shane (4:23:15 PM): its fine Seikin Shane (4:23:26 PM): i dont really like applebees anyway xD Broadway969 (4:23:30 PM): Lol
Caiternoodle (8:43:19 PM): it appears to be you didnt have a problem
Caiternoodle (8:43:33 PM): it appears to me that you didnt want to even go XP
Seikin Shane (8:42:51 PM): you guys need to learn to read inbetween the lines sometimes
Caiternoodle (8:44:21 PM): so you wanted to go, but you said you didnt????
Seikin Shane (8:43:19 PM): well he didnt want to ask trevor for money and i didnt want to force him
-at this point i didnt know what to say -_- so travis wanted on-
Caiternoodle (8:44:45 PM): Ok shane
Caiternoodle (8:44:48 PM): this is Travis
Seikin Shane (8:43:30 PM): but it is true there is very little at applebees that i like
Caiternoodle (8:45:01 PM): I really would have borrowed money frolm TRevor for you to go
Seikin Shane (8:43:54 PM): meh
Seikin Shane (8:44:03 PM): if he wanted me to be there, he would have insisted
Caiternoodle (8:45:28 PM): You can't say that I didn't say anything about it
Caiternoodle (8:45:50 PM): Trevor didn't even go with us
Caiternoodle (8:46:32 PM): If you SAY that you don't like applebees, how in JAYzuses mind am I supposed to know that you wanted to know?
Seikin Shane (8:46:39 PM): maybe because I am your friend?
Seikin Shane (8:46:44 PM): maybe
Caiternoodle (8:48:26 PM): Ok we,ll
Caiternoodle (8:48:32 PM): I ASKED yiou if you wanted to gio though
Seikin Shane (8:50:08 PM): well i didnt want to inconvience you by having you get money from trevor
Caiternoodle (8:51:39 PM): Ok then
Caiternoodle (8:51:43 PM): it's your own falt then
Seikin Shane (8:50:34 PM): sure it is
Caiternoodle (8:52:10 PM): Shane
Caiternoodle (8:52:13 PM): I OFFERED you
Caiternoodle (8:52:17 PM): It's not like
Caiternoodle (8:52:20 PM): I said
Caiternoodle (8:52:20 PM): w
Caiternoodle (8:52:21 PM): ell
Seikin Shane (8:51:14 PM): mr. "I cant choose between the 2 of you so im going to take caitlin"
Caiternoodle (8:52:43 PM): if you REALLY REALLY honest to hayzuse wanted to go I could scrable my 12 centrs together
Caiternoodle (8:53:02 PM): I said that at fiest
Caiternoodle (8:53:08 PM): but then I invited you
Caiternoodle (8:53:22 PM): You are just playing the victum when it's really your fault for not saying anything
Caiternoodle (8:53:35 PM): WHEN I OFFERED
Caiternoodle (8:53:37 PM): i'm done
Seikin Shane (8:52:19 PM): well you already invited cait
Seikin Shane (8:53:22 PM): you know what, never mind
Seikin Shane (8:54:05 PM): good bye
Seikin Shane signed off at 8:55:32 PM

So im like ARRGHH

SHANE!!! you could have gone if you jsut would have said so!! dont expect us to DEMAND you go.. we DONT want to FORCE you!!

remember you invited me to go to red lobster and whatnot.... i said i didnt want to go, so guess what? we didnt.. you didnt insist on me, and i wasnt mad!!! <=\ i dont know what the problem is here...


so... trying to still be productive and not be to upset over shane being all emo....

so we like screwed around and watched TV and travis looked at facebook for like x hours..

and we got the 2 make naked baby dolls and put them in very sexual positions and travis had me take pictures.. then he took like 50 pictures of my face... and then he rolled his underwear up so it was like a thong and hes like "UUGH THIS IS SOO UNCOMFORTABLE" XD



then im like "well i need to mail my letter" and so travis proceeded in trying on like 40 pairs of my jeans XD for some unknown reason.....

then he finally got his on... and we were in the car.. and him and cory were throwing snow at eachother...

and i realize "oh SHAT i forgot the letter"

and i had it hidden in a folder by the comp so my dad wouldnt see it and question who it was for >_<

and.. well.. i drove all the way into jonesville only to discover it was NOT in the folder.. and i was FLIPPIN Out >_<<<

so i was like "ughhhhh"

and then we went to blockbuster... and i decided i was going to buy "metropolis"... as it was only 10$ and came with this extra dvd thing..

so cory was looking around and saw king of the hill DVDs.. season 2 for 15$!!! thats really cheap so i bought it and hed pay me back someday XD

and then i saw they had WONKA bars so i had to get one.. and i got one for travis cuz he was starving and i bought some buncha crunch for cory cuz hes a baby...

Soooooo we brought them up there and the girl working was like "ZOMG METROPOLIS!!!! !! ! !! !!"
and the guy was all "..hmm i rang this up but it seems like its too much.. 29$ for something thats 15 + 10$??? is tax that much?? it seems overcharged...."

and shes like "ya its fine"

So he rang up the rest of the candy i GUESS and then we left.. the total came to 25.74...

and walking out of blockbuster i realize.. Um.. wow i was WAY undercharged.. JUST the movies alone WITHOUT TAX would have been 25$... so i look at the receipt.. and he gave us all that candy for free <=\\

so mocking travis i BOLTED TO THE CAR and screamed "OMG WE WERE UNDERCHARGE WERE GUNA GET IN SO MUCH TROUBLE HURY BEFORE HE COMES AND SCREAMS AT USSS@!!!!"
llol and travis and cory were throwing more snow at eachother..

so then we go to walmart.. and were looking at various stuff and we happen to walk by the video games and i look over and WHAT DO I SEE?

DANCE FACTORY!!
i scream like a little girl and take it to the nearest price scanner!

25$$$
its only like 10c cheaper on ebay so im like "well im going to buy it" XD

so i bought it and we looked at the condoms XDDD!! and the fish :o and the suckerfish are only 2$!!!!!!

woo!!!

so then um.
i bought dance facotry and we left..

but omg i was such a horrible driver.. i went the WRONG way down walmart parking.. i went WAY over into this other lane and almost like ran into this guy XDDDD and yeah i was driving without my lights on at wlamart XD i was a little bit traumatized...... ;-;

SOO... we got home and played dance factory to rent music (well i didnt but travis did)

and then i was being MOLESTED by travis a bunch...

and i found my letter.. it was setting on my comp desk ARGGH!! ;_;;;;;

So um.... then i set up my shop for trickster and travis took his meds and he wanted to go to bed.. so im like "ok" and hes like "sleep with me!!" so im like "okay" so he laid down and i laid down and i put in kimba the white lion dvd ep 7 to watch and he said he likes it...

Sooo... then he fell asleep and im like "blarg, i feel hot and im never going to sleep, i need seroquil!!!!" so i came out here to check my trickster shop.. i made over 1.5 million $ XDDD in like 1 hr!!! i sold over 110 tin gemstones at 10k a piece XDD!!!!

Yeah so... then i wrote this cuz blarg.. and im going to take seroquil then lay back down (maybe with travis maybe not) depending if hes engulfin gthe bed or not XD

So yeah thats the good and the bad of the day.

hopefully none of the bad will carry over into tomarrow if you get what i mean *glares* *glares in the other direction* *glares in the general direction of a black hole's gravitational field*
caitaro: (Default)
Spend your lazy, endless crazy,
days inside my head...
You're so selfish, you're not the only,
one who thinks he's dead...
I'm paid to smile, now i'm on trial,
for what you think I said...
But I never said,
that everything would be okay...
And I never said,
that we would live to see another day...


Motivate me,
I wanna get myself out of this bed.
Captivate me,
I want good thoughts inside of my head.
If I fall down,
would you come around,
and pick me right up off the ground?
If I fall down,
would you come around,
and pick me right up off the ground?


I'm realistic, and narcissistic,
you say I'm selfish and absurd.
You try to change me, try to save me,
you say I'm gonna learn.
I'm so blind, I'm out of time,
you're so unkind sometimes.
I never lied, I never lied, I never lied...
Cause I never said,
that everything would be okay,
and I never said that we would live to see another day,



10/10/2007 11:26:12 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- blarg
10/10/2007 11:26:18 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- i might go to bed soon
10/10/2007 11:26:32 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane well you GO gotta get up in ~7hrs
10/10/2007 11:28:14 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- blarg
10/10/2007 11:28:23 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane *DO
10/10/2007 11:28:25 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane ?
10/10/2007 11:28:34 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- dont remind me
10/10/2007 11:28:52 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- except I secretly havent gone in a week >_>
10/10/2007 11:28:59 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane o.0
10/10/2007 11:29:05 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane are you serious?
10/10/2007 11:29:14 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- yes
10/10/2007 11:29:16 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane why???
10/10/2007 11:29:25 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane shane do you wanna have to get up in 7 hours NEXT year too??
10/10/2007 11:29:27 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- I DONT KNOW
10/10/2007 11:29:47 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- dont you think I want to get all this crap over with?
10/10/2007 11:29:52 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane then JUST go
10/10/2007 11:29:55 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane its not that hard
10/10/2007 11:30:11 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- well for some reason it is
10/10/2007 11:30:24 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane then how about some modivation?
10/10/2007 11:30:29 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane you cant come over till you go to school?
10/10/2007 11:30:36 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- lol
10/10/2007 11:30:44 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- I usually go once or twice a week
10/10/2007 11:31:02 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- last week i went tuesday and wednesday
10/10/2007 11:31:09 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane does your mom know?
10/10/2007 11:31:12 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- this week ill probably go tomarrow and friday
10/10/2007 11:31:22 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- yeah, I tell her every day if i dont go
10/10/2007 11:31:28 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane if you lived here
10/10/2007 11:31:31 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- its not like im gunna lie to her
10/10/2007 11:31:32 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane youd get your ass kicked
10/10/2007 11:31:34 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane every day you didnt go
10/10/2007 11:31:35 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane lol
10/10/2007 11:31:43 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- well
10/10/2007 11:31:57 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- everyone tells mom she should force me and threaten me and what not
10/10/2007 11:32:05 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- but she knows me
10/10/2007 11:32:13 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- and that wouldnt help
10/10/2007 11:32:30 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane then you cant come over till you go to school every day for the whole week :P
10/10/2007 11:32:46 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane unless like REAL sickness happens
10/10/2007 11:32:50 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- T_T but then i cant come over this weekend with you and travis
10/10/2007 11:32:58 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- but I really do feel sick all the time
10/10/2007 11:33:00 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane if you go the rest of this week, ill let you
10/10/2007 11:33:14 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- fine
10/10/2007 11:33:17 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane you reeaaallly dont want to do this for more years :P
10/10/2007 11:33:25 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane if nothing else modivates you to go, maybe this will
10/10/2007 11:33:28 PM -=~*Sir Cait *~=- Shane :3
10/10/2007 11:33:50 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- well nothing else is, because I apparently dont care if i graduate or not
10/10/2007 11:34:28 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- if I had a reason to go, like friends maybe, then i would probably go
10/10/2007 11:34:33 PM Shane -=~*Sir Cait *~=- but i dont





Shane isn't allowed at my house unless he goes to school every day.

This week is the exception AS LONG AS he goes to school wed, thurs, friday

:3


If this is the only way it has to be, then thats how it's going to be.

Life after high school is worth it enough by itself to graduate.

You dont need a reason, just go!

But here's one anyway!
caitaro: (Default)
http://cait.netdojo.com/pix/shane/


XD of course there is no real blood or cutting in these pics

there is one of me holding my parring knife i bought XD

(For parring things of corse)

bt shane

you are SOO EMO

and my U button is so emo too cuz its not workin well unless i press hard XD
caitaro: (Default)
So shane came over and we did things and we sprayed his hair black and we went to walmart... then wendys..

...........and i didnt get to DL .hack :((((((((((((((

*sad*

Um

talked to travis..


shanes car died so we had to bring him home........

uum

piza :p
caitaro: (Default)
...but sitting/laying in my room in the dark with other people is amazing...

ugh.

its so amazing you have no idea..

no not the dirty kind of laying in the dark either..



It's like.. we sit/lay and.. tickle and play with hair and talk about random things.. and static... and just random...


and i layed in shanes lap and..
ugh its so awkward..


Like.. everything tells me to resist.. I dont wanna feel as if i WANT to do it, but.... i dont want to.. HURT him.. cuz i know im large and in charge, lol

or make him uncomfortable..

but once i got comfortable, i was like Ahhhhhhhhhh...


heh, more than likely.. well. im pretty sure he was just.. pretending i was seth~

but either way, I think it benefits both of us..

Perhaps i would feel less awkward in a situation like that..

and he gets practice..... XD or just pretend i am him.

Even if it means nothing between me and him..

I mean.. I do love him, and he loves me.. just not in an intimate type of way XD

I know this is a stretch from.. in the past few awhile when.. im like shanes blarg blarg blarg mean blarg. XD
but sometimes hes SO EFFIGN AMAZING THAT I COULD JUST KISS HIM. XD!!!

(I did in meh dream)

but not really..

but hes amazing~ <3

sometimes.
XD

also travis was over.. but he left after like 3.14 seconds XD
caitaro: (Default)
I had a dream that Joel's dad lived not too far from Shanes.. and i found him and we got together and it was AMAZING.. so i was like hmm.. so me and him went down the street past shanes house.. they were all out on the deck...

So as we walked past i was like "Hiiii Shaaaannne" and waved..

Joel's dad stopped... and was like "....Lisa??" AND shes like "Joel's Dad?".. and Joels dad left me for Lisa..

i was sad :(

But it felt really good when he was with me..

Lets keep in note here I dont even KNOW Joels dad ive never SEEN him or know ANYTHING about him..

I guess my subconcious picked a random person..

*sigh*

but im glad it did.....

Dreams like this are the *ONLY* reason i can go on...

....and cats.

But right now i have only 1 cat.. and she's emo and hates the world..

*SIGH*

SO AMAZING..

If for some ungodly reason, i EVER DID get a relationship in real life, i wouldnt know what to do... and would ruin it..

*sigh* Meh life suckas!
caitaro: (Default)
Shane

is being all blah again..

and

Ugh.

now im a nervous wreck..

and definately cant work on my GOD DAMNED math..

-_-..


i HATE.
HATE when hes like this.

I HATE fighting with him.

I WISH he would jsut GROW the HELL Up and

ACCEPT the fact HE NEEDS HELP..

Hes contemplating weither to go a WHOLE year extra at hillsdale..

or finish his novanet for the enxt 3 weeks

JUST because of calculous and govenerment

the ISD probably HAS tutors and whatnot..


maybe thatsnot the whole story.. I dont know

BUt he WONT TELL ME

so i can asses teh situation

and he just PUSEHS me away

and THREATENS to kill himself.

and it just MESSED with my emotion.

im friggin shaking right now and..

ugh..

i hate humans.. feeelings.. anger.. stubbornness.. anxiety...

every last god damned one i dont care who you are..

I jsut..

want to be by myself where i dont have to deal with 8th grade drama..

im doign my best to TRY to grow up but i cant when people are being stubborn and threatening to kill eachother left and right.




on another note. ive been waiting all day.. doing my math at the compy.. (or by compy when corys on) for Roko to get on, but no luck.

Today.. has not been a good day. ;_;
caitaro: (Default)
So yesterday.. me and dad got in this big fight over... something i cant remember..

and i got all upset and was crying.


so then shane came over and im like.. well this will be better a bit... hopefully.

I was wrong.


I will spare you the details..

but basically..

we went to go get travis..

and we were all there..

shanes being obsessed with FFTA..

and also kind of commanding everything....

and he was commenting a LOT about "CAIT QUIT PMSING"

i couldnt handle it.. he said PMS like 80 times that night i am serious..

but when we were playin scrabble.. he said something along the lines of "Maybe you should try not to PMS once in awhile!"
and i blew up and screamed "MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL ONCE IN A WHILE"


because i couldnt take it..

Im not PMSing..

It's physically impossible.. based on the fact that there is no "MS" so there cant be any "Pre" to it. :P

but maybe post? but that's like.. not real XD i duno..


I wasnt haaving a good day.. and whatnot... so..

Shane i know you are gunna read this sometime..

04-Mar-2007 23:46 75.14.63.62 Windows 2000 / XP Netscape 4 Unknown Unknown
05-Mar-2007 15:48 75.7.193.174 Windows 2000 / XP Netscape 4 Unknown Unknown
05-Mar-2007 18:38 75.7.193.174 Windows 2000 / XP Netscape 4 Unknown Unknown
05-Mar-2007 23:51 75.7.193.174 Windows 2000 / XP Netscape 4 Unknown Unknown
06-Mar-2007 01:06 75.7.193.174 Windows 2000 / XP Netscape 4 Unknown Unknown

you hold the last 5 visitor logs exclusively.

and im sorry.. but please try not to be so mean to me.. I do have feelings once in awhile and i hold them in just like you do.. sometimes it gets to the breaking limit..

we all do it..

and i apologise i should have told you how i felt instead of just holding it in till then.

What's our friendship if we arent brutally honest to eachother eh? ^_~ But having some consideration is good too.


but that aside..

i feel a bit better now.. just a bit.. I keep feeling that shane will hate me forever and our friendship is gone.. but i think he'll understand.. whats a friend that doesnt understand?

*directs attention to http://caitaro.livejournal.com/353484.html *

So shane...

forgive me? <:3 -- Aside from allthis mess.. i was also up till 6ish.. watching spaceballs of all things.. then i played a little of mother 1... and i died because i suck... and played a little of other random games.. then i got up........ at 2pm.. travis was still here.. playin DDR with cory.. we played pokemon master trainer.. then we took travis home... and went to walmart.. i got my gigapet ^^ and it was on SALE even!! for 10$ i was so enthralled.. Then we got home.. i got it out of the package... and me dad and cory went to coldwater... we went to biglots to get hamburger helper and cereal.. (they had count choclia for $1 a box!!!!!!!!) then we went to meijers.. then walmart.. and just wandered around... and we went to taco bell.. and for ONCE.. i was happy. They got my order right. and i found something new!! They have these.. cheesey fiesta potatos.. omg they are.. AWESOME. AWESOME... so i got a bean + beef + cheese burrito... (so did cory) and i put FIRE sauce on mine.. yum.. and i got nachos.. and of course cheesey potatos.. and BLUE mountain dew! so yes.. it was all delicious.. and thats a rare occasion i have a good experience there.. Cory on the other hand.. got a burrito.. and a taco supreme thing.. and a chili taco type ... thing i duno and so he ate his other 2 things and hes like "OMG THERES BEEF ON IT.. GROSS.. i told them NO BEEF" and me and dad say.. "no you didnt o.0.. you even CONFIRMED.. having beans beef and cheese" he says "NUT UH!" so yeah corys a manatee. so he was cryin.. but yeah hes stupid so we went home... and i surfed internet and stuff... yep..

changes...

Mar. 1st, 2007 02:17 am
caitaro: (Default)
Been lookin back at people who i used to know...

people i used to be really close too..

im very shocked at how some of em have changed...

Shocked.... as in..

i wouldnt have gotten as close to them now.. as i was then..

*sigh*

it seems everyone around me is growing up..

but i'm still the same person i was in 7th grade...

some aspects of that arent bad..

but others are..

It's just weird.................

I wonder.... why after all these years, I have not changed... and everyone else has.... im very curious... :..

BUt anyway..

I'm feeling particularly lonely lately..

Perhaps it's because i literally.. have no social life.. whatsoever now..

NONE.

I havent talked to anyone... in weeks..

:..

:/

i duno..

It wouldnt be so bad.. if i were on a deserted island...

but as for now.. i am here.. and there are people all around me.. none of which care to acknowledge my existance..

It's kind of depressing..

But oh well?

who needs people anyway :P~











...i do...
*falls over*











In other news.. its shanes birthday!! ^_^ happy bday!!~ lets go to the lions den! XD
caitaro: (Default)
So travis and shane were over.. we played zelda 4 swords and crystal chronicles.. and we beat FF:CC.. but anyway..


So they were like "im hungry" and they go through our cupboards and whatever.. and dad screams "VICTORIA!"

and we're like "wtf??" and hes like "just random.."



but anyway.

dad said they should leave at 10... so they left at 10... and I was in my room puttin clothes away.. and dads like.. "you know i yelled victoria because they were goin through the cupboards like victoria does.. You know we're living on a tight budget here.. blah de flippin blah blah... i duno if you guys even got any of that chocolate milk.. it WAS brand new.. and now its almost gone.. blah blah and theyre NEVER staying this late on a school night A GAIN! and the front room is a MESS you BETTER go clean IT UP." i said.. "um.. yeah i had a big cup of it.. travis just had this little glass... and it's not MY responsiblity to tell then when YOU wanted them to leave.. YOU didnt even TELL me ANYTHING.."

he said
"but they;re YOUR friends"

i said

"But this is YOUR house.. it's not MY responsibility to tell them to leave YOUR house.. /I/ Cant make them do ANYTHING.. I'm not THEIR parents. If you want somethign done, DO IT YOURSELF.. you KNOW thats what you ALWAYS TELL everyone.. GOD.."


then i proceeded in cleaning up the front room.. and then he wouldnt say anything to that.

He's such a manatee's father.. and stupid.. i wish he wasnt so stupid -_-
caitaro: (Default)
like YESTERDAY we had an ICE STORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! as you know

so today we have off.. naturally..
cuz its mr. luther king day..

and so i went to shanes.......

and did my algebra there.. and he and travis played PS2... and me and shanes mom (lisa) watched this thing about houdini.. then we went to wendys.. then me and shaneand travis made brownies.. travis poured a BUTTLOAD Of old marshmallows in it XD and shane put some ovaltine in it.. it turned out good.. Shanes brother was there a little bit but went home :(

:(( Joelll.. :((
lol

Then..

it was like..
10:00 and we started off for home...
and it was so EFFING ICY.. travis couldnt stop down this one hill..a nd we got to his house.. they still had no power.. and we went to pARK and he COULDNT STOP and we ran into that parking gurder thingy.. we would have gone into the ditch if it wasnt there...... @_@

so i called my dad and he was UBER PISSED.. and hes liek BLARGBLRAG

so travis spent the night at my house and stuff... theres no sk00l for JCS tomarrow cuz of no power so... yeah.


also.. we found out that Aleesa's mom died :(((

I didnt know her THAT well.. but she was always at aleesas house when i used to go over there in like 4th-5th-7th grade..

she was a nice lady for the most part..

...lol.. i was at her house once and (this is when we were stilll ashamed of puberty) and we opend up a maxi pad thing and stuck it to the wall at like 1am.. her mom got up and went to the bathroom.. and we were all giggling a lot :P

ok but anyway

thats all that happened.
caitaro: (Default)
K so... today (well yesteday now) started out bad.. like.. i slept from 5am-6:45am

and then went to mariannes only to have it canceled when we got there..



anyway.. so shane talked and he came over and stuff

and so did travis (at 10)
anddddd........ we went to wendys, mcdonalds.. mcdonalds again.. admiral to talk to shanes brother..... and to see the church that burnt down... and then home... we sat in the dark on my bed.. like we usually do.. oh man XD it was soooo awesome.

she was sittin on meh lap and i was all *hug* ^^ and he was like *hug* and it was AWESOME and i dont care he did it just to see what id say or what travis would do..... ahhhhhhhhhh... physical contact that i dont dispise..... <3


but yes.. we did that for awhile and ^^. *melts* XP


and we talked about stuff and i admitted stuff.. (that they kinda already knewww) and shane layed his head on meh leg and talked about stufffff

and if ONLYYYYYYYY he didnt do it just to see what other ppl sayyyyyyyy it would be so k00l

*dies*

*feels so loved even though isnt that way*



jebus this has got to be the best ive felt in........ like months.....


i know its liek fake seratonin but OHH MR. SERATONIN I <3 u

but it also may be because im incredibly tired and slightly high off of tiredness.


so yeah. im tired and all beds in the house are occupied and all blankets are too..... so i duno what i will do........ perhaps grab a tiny blanket or a coat or something and crash on the love seat.




SOOOOoo my dad got up and i tired.. and talkin to sega.

but yeah.. it deosnt take much to have a 'best day ever' for me.. cuz all my days = the same XD

I love seratonin btw..

SERATONIN LOVES ME SO!
BECASUE WHTIEFACE TELLS ME SO!

Edit: 5:26am. Dad is now up and i have no couch to sleep on :(.. anyway.. i have a pic.. from the pics that cory took. this one is my favorite ^^^^^^^

caitaro: (Default)
That post that was sparked by the previous entry..

But yeah.. I like Shane more every day..

..and ive been told by people ive explained the situation to that in their viewpoint it looks as if shane is using me and he's a dirty man who is just USING me but...


but you know.. after a lot of thinking.. and questions on yahoo answers.. I figure.. ... well.. There's not just a few kinds of people ... 1.) lover, 2.) best freind, 3.) friend, 4.) ok.. 5.) hate ..... there's a spot inbetween best freind and lover.. in addition to spots inbetween all of those spots..

and i think that's where shane lies...
Shane is more than a best friend.. yet not a lover.

I believe i dont ever really want a lover.. I guess. I just want.. the in between.. what me and shane have..


"As long as you're comfortable, don't be conserned about figuring out the right term for feelings, or box to put it in. A good thing can be something more than friends, but less than a lover."

It's just like everything else now..


There is no.. Emo.. goth.. prep.. slut.. there is inbetween.. there is more than just a BOX to put something in.. more than just a label. More than democrat and republican.. it all boils down to the issues in politics for dem + rep. people shouldnt identify as D or R, but on what stand they take on the issues.


as in with relationship.. it's not as if shane is my love or best freind.. it's how we feel together and common interests and what makes us happy...

and there is no word.. for the feelings i have.. no english word at least.. most people tell whoever "I love you" because thats the universal word right?

I think... What I feel twords people.. is not hate.. not love.. not freindship.. but feelings that dont have words (yet)..

yet i have to use those words that most closely identify with those feelings until those words are invented...

Yes i know i could invent some random word and call it that feeling.. but feelings cannot be discribed with words. Not mine anyway. They are just there.. and I've just gott to try and communicate them through physical actions... that's the only way.


omfg.. i feel so.. inspired and enlightened right now.. that i finally realize what Shane is to me and..

damnit this sounds so cheesey..

but i NEVER EVER... get that.. 'finally the idea has snapped' feeling.. or.. inspired. i am NEVER EVER inspired.. and stuff..

and when i am.. it's such a wonderfull feeling..

Which brings me back to another problem..

what do i do with this wonderfull feeling???

Im guna go take a shower and think about this some more...

Profile

caitaro: (Default)
caitaro

November 2014

S M T W T F S
       1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 24th, 2017 05:05 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios