Why?.........

[caitaro]

I'm curious as to what my life has in store for me...

Weither it be god who plans it.. or... I have no idea..

But im curious...

Why has.. 'god' taken everyone i've ever loved away from me?

As you all know from yesterdays journal.. Travis got hurt bad..

He seemed like he was getting better... But i dont think so now.. His eyes keep... like rolling into the back of his head..

I gave him medicine today.. he ate 3/4hs of it.. which is better than none i guess.. But he's not looking well...

Snoop ate all of hers!!

Tooter wont even touch it.. and she smells.. really bad...

Whiteface hates me and shes never even around here anymore...

and Retard is stupid and he hates me too......

What does that leave..

Stupid fish that have no memory span..

and stupid rabbits that just.. exist and poop..

Then theres cory who hates me

and my dad whos stuck in the 80s.

So i guess.. i just.. really.. dont want poor baby travvy to die.. ;_;... i love him soo much.. He just turned 1 year old on the 8th.. He's too young to die... ...He was the best cat i ever had.. Tooter is just fat and exists......... Snoop was moms and shes sick too... mom gave grimlin face away... Tinker was inherited.. Whiteface hates me.. Retard is corys... and Travis was my little baby kitty... and now god is going to take him... and i dont think i can handle it.. I really dont..... Im going to force my dad to take him to the vet tomarrow.. i Really.. really hope.. They can do something for him.. I dont want them to put him to sleep.. and i dont want him to hurt anymore... i just.. want him to be better.. i want him to race me up the hill in the backyard again.. i want him to sleep on my legs in my bed.. I want him To meow at the door cuz he wants in again.. so i can let him in and he can rub his back on me.. and meow and jump on my leg and ill pet him... I want him.. to jump up and claw my butt when i brush my hair in the mornings before school again..

...But more than likely he will never do any of these things again..

because god... or the supreme being... lady luck.. Yevon... Nooj.. Whatever you may believe in.. Hates me.. They hate me with a passion..

Again i reflect on how i am the essence of Murphy's Law..

My cat got mortally wounded on my graduation open house...

...Its just happening again.. Everyone I've ever loved is dissapearing.. Dissapearing forever.

Just like on midnight spank.

"Tom.. Tom watch midnight spank on G4 or I'll make everyone you've ever lived disapear.. disapear... forever."

Only for me its REAL..

every friend i've ever had has at one point or another.. left me except the new ones...

I dont even know why I am cursed so badly.. I have no idea what i did to diserve this....

The only explanation i can find for this is one i read in a book..

In a goosebumps book i read a long time ago.. This kid went to camp where everyone got to know him, etc.. then they disapeared and were ghosts and dead and whatnot.. THen when he tried to escape.. his parents jumped out and yelled "SURPRISE!" it was all a test.. a joke...

The only explanation i can figure out is thats the way my life is running..

Kinda like the truman show.. One day everyone is just gunna jump out of nowhere and be like "GOT YOU CAIT!!!! IT WAS ALL A TEST!!!" or whatever..

and my mom will be there.. Healthy travis wil be there.. My grandma... my grandpa.. Steve from RI... Tiffy.. Amber.. Everyone else....

It seems way... way too coincidential that specifically everything i own breaks but noone elses.. Everyone ive ever loved has left me or died.. or turned mean on me...

Its just.. too damn ironic to be real... I swear im gunna end up in a looney bin.. Id like to go actualy.. I dont want anyone else to be infected with my curse of death.. Everything i care about will at one point or another.. (usually sooner than later) will die.. or change drastically... or whatever..
and im just... FORKING SICK OF IT ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!!!!!

why not cory.. Why doesnt his cat die. Why doesnt his friends turn on him.. Why doesnt HE have all these prolems... although i do admit.. He haas to get 2 baby teeth pulled in august and he has nose problems... but ME.. i have ASS PROBLEMS!! WWWWWOOOOO

AND I JUST DONT...... frickin.. care anymore... i want all this suffering and evil and ironicy and GOD DAMN TORTURE TO END@!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People say.. Welcome to the real world.. Adult entertainment isnt a pr0n movie.. its paying bills and working.. and supporting kids.. etc..

Ive been in the adult world for so very long.. Because of this god forsakin curse.........


I TRY.. to be the perfect friend.. the perfect daughter.. and the perfect girlfriend but my life keeps crumbling all around me.. and its hard for me to be the perfect person when all this stress is emotionally chopping me into a billion pieces with a dull spoon and rusty exacto knive.. Then all the SUPREME BEINGS of the world have fun watching me wriggle in pain.... and emotionally suffer so......

*sigh*

well this is just another depressed crazy rant from me... Dont pay attention to it, no really dont.. Because if you read this.. it will change nothing..
If i write it it will change nothing...

I write, however... So i can remember because my memory is slowly deteriorating.. and ifits not presented in front of me I will not remember it......



Someone stab me.