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caitarohttp://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/signs-of-a-codependent-relationship
the child grows up feeling neglected -- emotionally abandoned by the parent, McKee tells WebMD. They don't develop healthy self-esteem and coping skills and have difficulty getting in touch with their own emotions.
"You learn not to trust other people or yourself. You look for fulfillment in pleasing other people, but that never really works -- because you don't feel you deserve the approval," he explains.
As an adult, a codependent person has no sense of self, Weiss tells WebMD. "Their whole life is spent in wildly swinging arcs to meet others' expectations. If you're nice to me, I'm a good person. If you look at me funny, I'm a bad person. I don't know who I am. I am incredibly dependent on other people to tell me who I am."
They become addicted to relationships and will do anything to hold onto them, fearing the emotional abandonment that happened during childhood. They put aside what they want to please the other person, remaining in harmful situations far too long.
The selfless caretaker -- if she was raised in a dysfunctional family -- is indeed vulnerable to becoming codependent, despite her good intentions. "It's great to be kind, considerate, empathic, humanitarian, to be of service," says McKee. "What's bad is having to please in order to feel whole as a person. When you have low self-esteem, you think it's not right to take care of yourself -- or to be assertive. Finding your identity in being a rescuer or martyr is not healthy."
"Codependents are more oriented to other people's reality than their own," Cannon explains. "They can tell you what everybody else is feeling or needing but have no earthly idea what they want or need. They are the finder, fixer, and Mother Theresa. That is how they see themselves, and where they get their ego fix."
^ Ugh, that is so true...
A person's motive for "doing good" indicates whether they are codependent or not, says Cannon. "Are you literally giving for fun and for free -- or to get some kind of payoff?" she asks. "If you're codependent, you're trying to be someone's savior to make yourself feel good. You give to them with an expectation of return. After all I've done for you, I get to tell you what to do with your life."
^ But that part is not. I want to be of service, with nothing in return, because i dont deserve it..
Like at work, i wont take a break unless someone tells me to. When its really hot or something, i wont mention it, but insted deal..
etc.
So.. a lot of these aspects apply to me.. but a lot dont..
I think i am a co-dependent person.. without most of the bad effects :/
the child grows up feeling neglected -- emotionally abandoned by the parent, McKee tells WebMD. They don't develop healthy self-esteem and coping skills and have difficulty getting in touch with their own emotions.
"You learn not to trust other people or yourself. You look for fulfillment in pleasing other people, but that never really works -- because you don't feel you deserve the approval," he explains.
As an adult, a codependent person has no sense of self, Weiss tells WebMD. "Their whole life is spent in wildly swinging arcs to meet others' expectations. If you're nice to me, I'm a good person. If you look at me funny, I'm a bad person. I don't know who I am. I am incredibly dependent on other people to tell me who I am."
They become addicted to relationships and will do anything to hold onto them, fearing the emotional abandonment that happened during childhood. They put aside what they want to please the other person, remaining in harmful situations far too long.
The selfless caretaker -- if she was raised in a dysfunctional family -- is indeed vulnerable to becoming codependent, despite her good intentions. "It's great to be kind, considerate, empathic, humanitarian, to be of service," says McKee. "What's bad is having to please in order to feel whole as a person. When you have low self-esteem, you think it's not right to take care of yourself -- or to be assertive. Finding your identity in being a rescuer or martyr is not healthy."
"Codependents are more oriented to other people's reality than their own," Cannon explains. "They can tell you what everybody else is feeling or needing but have no earthly idea what they want or need. They are the finder, fixer, and Mother Theresa. That is how they see themselves, and where they get their ego fix."
^ Ugh, that is so true...
A person's motive for "doing good" indicates whether they are codependent or not, says Cannon. "Are you literally giving for fun and for free -- or to get some kind of payoff?" she asks. "If you're codependent, you're trying to be someone's savior to make yourself feel good. You give to them with an expectation of return. After all I've done for you, I get to tell you what to do with your life."
^ But that part is not. I want to be of service, with nothing in return, because i dont deserve it..
Like at work, i wont take a break unless someone tells me to. When its really hot or something, i wont mention it, but insted deal..
etc.
So.. a lot of these aspects apply to me.. but a lot dont..
I think i am a co-dependent person.. without most of the bad effects :/
