I think...
May. 15th, 2006 11:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caitaro... that im loosing my grip on reality...
Because.. I think...
I'm not in control of my feelings..
especially.. the happiness feeling.. I dont.. really know it anymore..
Nothing makes me happy... I dont even remember what it was ever like to be happy...
I dont know.. but i think that i see things.. often ill see like a random black thing... and sometimes... things move that arent moving... i think O_o.. like in seminar.. i stare at the cord for the overhead.. and it like.. moves.. and i keep lookin at it.. and its moving... and im like "WTF" and so i look away.. and it stops...
this happens with other things sometimes too... But i dont know.. i dont THINK its normal.. but.. *shrug*
and things randomly pop into my head.. like for my george washabush story.. bisexual fig newtons.. and shane owes me chloresteral on money he's borrowed....
and whatever..
and just random stuff..
and how i think everything is stupid..
if everything was /really/ stupid.. wouldnt people do somethign about it? maybe its not really stupid and i just hallucinate that it is... Maybe stupid is relative.. maybe stuff is stupid compared to me, who is some sort of superhuman with magical anchovical abilities...
but ive also noticed that my stomache is more sensitive to things..
Like im driving down to the bus and drive through a mud puddle.. and my stomache just goes BLAH and i feel like i gotta puke.. i feel like i gotta puke a lot of times now... when like.. nothing made me puke except when i had a headache... now even if cory like spits or something my stomache automatically goes BLEHH....
ive also noticed a change in the way my bladder and other various internal organs work.. and i have no idea what to think about it... I havent been to a doctor since i was like 3... and who knows.. i could have like a billion things wrong with me. actually i probably do because some things that happen to me i KNOW are completely not normal for humans to be experiencing...
its just too bad i guess that i have to be forked up both emotionally and physically... spiritually i dont know.. I dont even know if i have a spirit..
and my short term memory lately has also been.. extremely... really bad.. i mean.. i was going to make cookies.. and i opened the recipe cupboard and i completely forgot what i was doing and what i was looking for..... :\
often im in the middle of a conversation and i dont remember what we were talking about...
I think my whole life is crashing down around me.. and i think it would really be in the best interests of society if i were admitted to an insane asylum...
I think that i may be a threat to society.. not.. physically threatening.. but mentally..
on an even unhappier note.... sp00ny said that he has 'lost the butterflies'
Wind Sp00n Alpha (10:58:18 PM): Stupid question, do you still have strong feelings for me
caiternoodle (10:58:32 PM): o_O of course i do.. why do you ask?
Wind Sp00n Alpha (10:58:51 PM): remember how you said you felt butterflies when you thought about me?
caiternoodle (10:58:57 PM): mhm...
Wind Sp00n Alpha (10:59:15 PM): remember how you said that one time you lost them
Wind Sp00n Alpha (10:59:24 PM): well, the feeling at least
caiternoodle (10:59:29 PM): yeaaa...
Wind Sp00n Alpha (10:59:40 PM): I feel sorta the same way
caiternoodle (11:00:02 PM): 0.o..
caiternoodle (11:00:08 PM): that youve lost the butterflies?
Wind Sp00n Alpha (11:00:16 PM): yeah
caiternoodle (11:00:28 PM): o_O why
Wind Sp00n Alpha (11:00:33 PM): I dont know
so woo...... ............. ....... ... . . .. . . .. .
well im destined to just spontaniously combust someday anyway...
bah im so depressed...
*cries*
Shane: GO CRY EMO KID!
*does just that*
Because.. I think...
I'm not in control of my feelings..
especially.. the happiness feeling.. I dont.. really know it anymore..
Nothing makes me happy... I dont even remember what it was ever like to be happy...
I dont know.. but i think that i see things.. often ill see like a random black thing... and sometimes... things move that arent moving... i think O_o.. like in seminar.. i stare at the cord for the overhead.. and it like.. moves.. and i keep lookin at it.. and its moving... and im like "WTF" and so i look away.. and it stops...
this happens with other things sometimes too... But i dont know.. i dont THINK its normal.. but.. *shrug*
and things randomly pop into my head.. like for my george washabush story.. bisexual fig newtons.. and shane owes me chloresteral on money he's borrowed....
and whatever..
and just random stuff..
and how i think everything is stupid..
if everything was /really/ stupid.. wouldnt people do somethign about it? maybe its not really stupid and i just hallucinate that it is... Maybe stupid is relative.. maybe stuff is stupid compared to me, who is some sort of superhuman with magical anchovical abilities...
but ive also noticed that my stomache is more sensitive to things..
Like im driving down to the bus and drive through a mud puddle.. and my stomache just goes BLAH and i feel like i gotta puke.. i feel like i gotta puke a lot of times now... when like.. nothing made me puke except when i had a headache... now even if cory like spits or something my stomache automatically goes BLEHH....
ive also noticed a change in the way my bladder and other various internal organs work.. and i have no idea what to think about it... I havent been to a doctor since i was like 3... and who knows.. i could have like a billion things wrong with me. actually i probably do because some things that happen to me i KNOW are completely not normal for humans to be experiencing...
its just too bad i guess that i have to be forked up both emotionally and physically... spiritually i dont know.. I dont even know if i have a spirit..
and my short term memory lately has also been.. extremely... really bad.. i mean.. i was going to make cookies.. and i opened the recipe cupboard and i completely forgot what i was doing and what i was looking for..... :\
often im in the middle of a conversation and i dont remember what we were talking about...
I think my whole life is crashing down around me.. and i think it would really be in the best interests of society if i were admitted to an insane asylum...
I think that i may be a threat to society.. not.. physically threatening.. but mentally..
on an even unhappier note.... sp00ny said that he has 'lost the butterflies'
Wind Sp00n Alpha (10:58:18 PM): Stupid question, do you still have strong feelings for me
caiternoodle (10:58:32 PM): o_O of course i do.. why do you ask?
Wind Sp00n Alpha (10:58:51 PM): remember how you said you felt butterflies when you thought about me?
caiternoodle (10:58:57 PM): mhm...
Wind Sp00n Alpha (10:59:15 PM): remember how you said that one time you lost them
Wind Sp00n Alpha (10:59:24 PM): well, the feeling at least
caiternoodle (10:59:29 PM): yeaaa...
Wind Sp00n Alpha (10:59:40 PM): I feel sorta the same way
caiternoodle (11:00:02 PM): 0.o..
caiternoodle (11:00:08 PM): that youve lost the butterflies?
Wind Sp00n Alpha (11:00:16 PM): yeah
caiternoodle (11:00:28 PM): o_O why
Wind Sp00n Alpha (11:00:33 PM): I dont know
so woo...... ............. ....... ... . . .. . . .. .
well im destined to just spontaniously combust someday anyway...
bah im so depressed...
*cries*
Shane: GO CRY EMO KID!
*does just that*
