caitaro | ok................

...so sp00ny just went to bed and we had a kinda talk thing.. Um.

so noone really knows where our relationship is going.....

Um....

as for me i wish it would just be me and him together as it always has...

Im not interested in anyone else so i dont have a problem with it...

really im not interested in anyone else as even a freind.. all the people in my classes are old people too XD o_O

but..

I have learned that i dont view myself as being important...

and i dont really know what to do about it..

I did find a quote in someones journal that i have to quote.. it seems like a beautiful phrase.... and explains exactly how i'm feeling

THat someone is

athena1027 and this is the quote.

I feel excitement and dread for thenext moment. I feel like a change. ... I'm looking in themirror and I'm not seeing the person I want to see. Who do I want tosee?

It's complicated, see. I feel dark. Ifeel stoic. I am becoming it. I feel it. It's a reflection of how Iwas and who I am to become. It got lost the last couple of years butI think I'm finding it again. I love life but I also am wary of it. ... I belong to the night.I always known that but the light distracted me for a little while.Or maybe I'm going through some transitional mutation of myself.

I am too compromising and defensive toeven deal with myself. There's always two sides to a story. Worst,sometimes even more. Well fuck that. I'm sick of being balanced,equal, and bright. I want to live among the stars but ironically notthe sun. I want dramatic change. I want change. I think I'm sick ofbeing in this phase right now. This transitional mutation of myself.It's causing me to brood. And I hate brooding. That requires a lot ofoverthinking and overthinking results in doubt. And doubt will resultin more brooding. This is a sad sick disgustingly long cycle I alwayshave to go through. I don't want my brain to cycle through thesecycles anymore. I want to take risks without being afraid. I want toact without fear. Without self-reprisal. I want to see the images inmy mind clearer. I want to hear my soul sing without doubt.

~Cait