WELL.. that was.. very odd..
Mar. 16th, 2007 03:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caitaro3:00 So i made like 80 gallons of tea.. and my stomache feels a LOT better now..
but thats not whats so odd..
i watched the other movie i got..
(the wicksboro incident)
(and the first one was sarah's child btw)
but anyway.. it's like.. a fictional documentary type of thing.. like the blair witch.. the first part where they are interviewing Lloyd is incredibly boring.. so i fast forwarded it. (and i never fast forward stuff)
but when they get to the action part.. it was interesting..
The old guy lloyd was the only survivor from his town which was destoryed by aliens or something.. and so he and these 2 guys set out to find it.. so they go and they cant find it.. but then they do.. and they come up with ideas adn whatever.. and now the FBI is after em.. and they attempt to escape..
Yeah it's.. realy.. weird.. lol..
and like reviews ive read.. it ends rather suddenly.. and kind of.. inconclusive..
*shrug*
interesting :p
now.. off to bed for me, as i have a lot to do.. early tomarrow :(
and i must remember to take the ram out of compy >_>
(and if you were wondering.. the movie sarah's child.. is weird too... its about the miiiiiiiind :O and crazy people.)
EDIT: omg look XD
"'WICKSBORO INCIDENT" IS A CHILLING, TOTALLY CONVINCING AND POSITIVELY TERRIFYING BLEND OF "X-FILES" AND "THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT." I WOULDN'T ADVISE WATCHING THIS
ALONE AND CERTAINLY NOT LATE AT NIGHT!'
*** 1/2 --Thomas Brown
(WHIZ Radio - Eye on the Screen)"
Well..
Im alone.. and its.. 3am..
XD.. the most i was worried about is my dad waking up and thinking im crazy for renting this movie! XD
4:30 Edit:.
omg.. i am so.. frigging.. scared.. i was just in the damn bathroom... for.. 1/2 hr.. and i wish i could say it on here but i cant..... or people would be.. i duno.. mad.. grossed out.. decieved... something.
When my dad gets up i'm going to see if he will stay home from work today and take me to prompt care.. or when he gets home... i absolutely can not believe i am saying this... but i actually.. am probably more than likely going tomarrow..
..because this is more than just a stomacheache now..
..in fact.. after all that tea and ibprofin.. my stomache doesnt hurt at all.. but.. omg.. i have never been so scared in my effing life..
there's no way im getting any sleep tonight.. *sob* im so embarrased.. i dont know what to do.. dad gets up in ~an hour.. so ill wait till he gets out here.. he's prolly gunna be mad at me.. but i dont care
5:40 edit:
yeah im just doin like 80 edits instead of 80 posts.. cuz you people on my friends page always get friggin pissed when blah de blah. but anyway.
ok um.
So at 4:50.. i went out and told my dad what was going on.. that took immense guts.. i walked out there crying anyway.. and i managed to get out "...there... is something i gotta... i gotta tell you ok." and so.. i did.. i told him.. and i was all shaking and fumbling with papers on the counter and bawlin...
so he told me.. well "we'll see when i get home.. you know your mom was different ... as you are too.. you're just uh.. a lot more different. and i dont know why. so if you feel like you're gunna pass out.. tell cory to call me. and dont drive if you feel dizzy."
all i could say was "..i dont think im gunna be driving tomarrow"
then he told me to get to bed.. so.. i went in my room.. rigged up my beanbag.. domo-palegic.. and a towel into a position where it was comfortable on the floor.. next to my dresser as cory seemed to have wanted to randomly fall asleep in my bed again.. i cried.
then dad went to work.. and now im out here.. So i guess i feel a bit better now.. I guess.. that.. i feel as if i have no control over my body and what retarded things it seems to want to do.. heh.. it's kind of like algebra.. it's supposed to work a certain way... but i can never get it to work right.. haha.. stupid algebra >_> but anyway.
I guess that may possibly account for why i am like i am today.. because my body makes no sense and i cant control it.. i need to have control over my mind.. morals.. and (most) emotions.. unlike stupid people who go out and get pregnant.. and whatnot..
which brings me to another point. It really frustrates me.. like today when i walked into the kitchen crying.. and ended up shaking and bawling.. i really didnt want to do that.. i wantedt o just.. you know.. calmly tell my dad and whatever and see what he said.. but NOOOOOooo i have to go and do that.. i hate not having control over my um.. wth is it? freaked out emotion? sadness? or scared? I told my psychologist this.. and she says.. "you want to be a robot then.. and have no feelings.."
i told her "yes" For the past 3~4 years or so.. it feels as if i experience negative emotions.. (like freaked out, sadness, and scared) and hardly any good ones.. (like happy).. those rare bipolar..ic.. hyper days gives me sort of a "high" which is some relief from the negative emotions..
I think ive forgotten.. actually.. what its like to.. um.. feel.. happy? to actually.. LIKE something.. Marianne once asked me.. if i had a million dollars.. what would i want.... or if i could do anything in the whole world.. what would it be. I thought about it for about a month.
and came to the conclusion of.. "i dont know" because i can honestly think of nothing that would make me experience 'happiness' again. I think actualy.. the last time i remember being truely happy.. was when me and sp00ny used to talk a LOT.. and we'd talk of future plans and crap.. but .. as we all know now.. that will never happen again.
As i thought about it later though.. "or if i could do anything in the whole world" i thought of something.. that i would really really like to do.
Get away from everything. To live.. say.. on a deserted island of some sort.. get away from computers.. washing machines.. cars.. people.. but most of all.. myself.
I think the instinct of survival would kick in and i would truely feel "free".
Ive told my dad and cory this.. and they tell me i'm psycho and i "wouldnt last 10 minutes without a computer"
..which kind of hurts me.. because this is a 100% serious 'dream' of mine.. and if i ever become rich and famous you bet your aspergers that im going to do just that.
ok now that ive rambled for 20 minutes.. i feel a bit better now.. so i guess the next question would be.. what am i going to do.. until whatever happens next... happens? HMMMMMMM...
but thats not whats so odd..
i watched the other movie i got..
(the wicksboro incident)
(and the first one was sarah's child btw)
but anyway.. it's like.. a fictional documentary type of thing.. like the blair witch.. the first part where they are interviewing Lloyd is incredibly boring.. so i fast forwarded it. (and i never fast forward stuff)
but when they get to the action part.. it was interesting..
The old guy lloyd was the only survivor from his town which was destoryed by aliens or something.. and so he and these 2 guys set out to find it.. so they go and they cant find it.. but then they do.. and they come up with ideas adn whatever.. and now the FBI is after em.. and they attempt to escape..
Yeah it's.. realy.. weird.. lol..
and like reviews ive read.. it ends rather suddenly.. and kind of.. inconclusive..
*shrug*
interesting :p
now.. off to bed for me, as i have a lot to do.. early tomarrow :(
and i must remember to take the ram out of compy >_>
(and if you were wondering.. the movie sarah's child.. is weird too... its about the miiiiiiiind :O and crazy people.)
EDIT: omg look XD
"'WICKSBORO INCIDENT" IS A CHILLING, TOTALLY CONVINCING AND POSITIVELY TERRIFYING BLEND OF "X-FILES" AND "THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT." I WOULDN'T ADVISE WATCHING THIS
ALONE AND CERTAINLY NOT LATE AT NIGHT!'
*** 1/2 --Thomas Brown
(WHIZ Radio - Eye on the Screen)"
Well..
Im alone.. and its.. 3am..
XD.. the most i was worried about is my dad waking up and thinking im crazy for renting this movie! XD
4:30 Edit:.
omg.. i am so.. frigging.. scared.. i was just in the damn bathroom... for.. 1/2 hr.. and i wish i could say it on here but i cant..... or people would be.. i duno.. mad.. grossed out.. decieved... something.
When my dad gets up i'm going to see if he will stay home from work today and take me to prompt care.. or when he gets home... i absolutely can not believe i am saying this... but i actually.. am probably more than likely going tomarrow..
..because this is more than just a stomacheache now..
..in fact.. after all that tea and ibprofin.. my stomache doesnt hurt at all.. but.. omg.. i have never been so scared in my effing life..
there's no way im getting any sleep tonight.. *sob* im so embarrased.. i dont know what to do.. dad gets up in ~an hour.. so ill wait till he gets out here.. he's prolly gunna be mad at me.. but i dont care
5:40 edit:
yeah im just doin like 80 edits instead of 80 posts.. cuz you people on my friends page always get friggin pissed when blah de blah. but anyway.
ok um.
So at 4:50.. i went out and told my dad what was going on.. that took immense guts.. i walked out there crying anyway.. and i managed to get out "...there... is something i gotta... i gotta tell you ok." and so.. i did.. i told him.. and i was all shaking and fumbling with papers on the counter and bawlin...
so he told me.. well "we'll see when i get home.. you know your mom was different ... as you are too.. you're just uh.. a lot more different. and i dont know why. so if you feel like you're gunna pass out.. tell cory to call me. and dont drive if you feel dizzy."
all i could say was "..i dont think im gunna be driving tomarrow"
then he told me to get to bed.. so.. i went in my room.. rigged up my beanbag.. domo-palegic.. and a towel into a position where it was comfortable on the floor.. next to my dresser as cory seemed to have wanted to randomly fall asleep in my bed again.. i cried.
then dad went to work.. and now im out here.. So i guess i feel a bit better now.. I guess.. that.. i feel as if i have no control over my body and what retarded things it seems to want to do.. heh.. it's kind of like algebra.. it's supposed to work a certain way... but i can never get it to work right.. haha.. stupid algebra >_> but anyway.
I guess that may possibly account for why i am like i am today.. because my body makes no sense and i cant control it.. i need to have control over my mind.. morals.. and (most) emotions.. unlike stupid people who go out and get pregnant.. and whatnot..
which brings me to another point. It really frustrates me.. like today when i walked into the kitchen crying.. and ended up shaking and bawling.. i really didnt want to do that.. i wantedt o just.. you know.. calmly tell my dad and whatever and see what he said.. but NOOOOOooo i have to go and do that.. i hate not having control over my um.. wth is it? freaked out emotion? sadness? or scared? I told my psychologist this.. and she says.. "you want to be a robot then.. and have no feelings.."
i told her "yes" For the past 3~4 years or so.. it feels as if i experience negative emotions.. (like freaked out, sadness, and scared) and hardly any good ones.. (like happy).. those rare bipolar..ic.. hyper days gives me sort of a "high" which is some relief from the negative emotions..
I think ive forgotten.. actually.. what its like to.. um.. feel.. happy? to actually.. LIKE something.. Marianne once asked me.. if i had a million dollars.. what would i want.... or if i could do anything in the whole world.. what would it be. I thought about it for about a month.
and came to the conclusion of.. "i dont know" because i can honestly think of nothing that would make me experience 'happiness' again. I think actualy.. the last time i remember being truely happy.. was when me and sp00ny used to talk a LOT.. and we'd talk of future plans and crap.. but .. as we all know now.. that will never happen again.
As i thought about it later though.. "or if i could do anything in the whole world" i thought of something.. that i would really really like to do.
Get away from everything. To live.. say.. on a deserted island of some sort.. get away from computers.. washing machines.. cars.. people.. but most of all.. myself.
I think the instinct of survival would kick in and i would truely feel "free".
Ive told my dad and cory this.. and they tell me i'm psycho and i "wouldnt last 10 minutes without a computer"
..which kind of hurts me.. because this is a 100% serious 'dream' of mine.. and if i ever become rich and famous you bet your aspergers that im going to do just that.
ok now that ive rambled for 20 minutes.. i feel a bit better now.. so i guess the next question would be.. what am i going to do.. until whatever happens next... happens? HMMMMMMM...
