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[caitaro]

Even worse.

So i read some things from someone...
and it just made me feel even worse.

perhaps its because i am under the influence..

But i duno........


Ive been thinkin things lately, things ive never thought before.

Like

"what if i did do drugs? They gotta be some kind of stress reliever, cuz everyone else is doin em"

even though im against drugs 100%

*sigh*

and karl being emotionally abusive..

and me shutting myself up..

I wish i could go back to some sort of psychologist..

Becuase i hate everything and i dont want to.

I hate myself, i dont deserve ANYYTHING...

everyone else: THATS NOT TRUE

Me: but it IS to ME..

BUT I CANTTT CUzo f stupid shit and money and blarrggg..

Everything would be okay if..
~$$ To fix things
~Fixed juicing problem
~Job
~not EMO.

and what i read earlier really didnt help all of this at all.

It just made me even more sadder.. and made me wonder if.. Maybe i'm just like an electric hammer.. TO be used, and enjoyed, I duno.


Either way....

I want to just sit in my closet for the rest of my life.. all by myself.. (cept whiteface) and do nothing >.>