RANT MODE

Jul. 14th, 2012 03:04 am
caitaro: (Default)
"I almost smashed into a red SUV today.. I looked.. and ididnt even see it.. I SWEAR THERE WAS NOTHING THERE.... Daniel was screamin all STOPPP.. and then this big Yellow semi was comin from the other way and i was 1/2 way out into the road already.

</never driving again for i have lost my mind>"


 Daniels gotta work.. we thought it was a day rabbit show ~_~ We might run over around 1:20 and see if its still goin on.

"Okee, i should clarify that there's a lot of little things going on that is making me like *TWITCH* *TWITCH* most of them people wouldn't understand. xD"


So just like ignore this post unless you wanted clarification...

-Search algorithms on Windows 7 = Someone was on drugs. Buuut I can fix that by using agent ransack.. = Problem solved.

-1/2 of the rest of Windows 7 = inconvenient and broken... But
again.. I can fix that too. (w7mods.2fear.com)

-Since im on the PC 20/7, having to deal with the little things like "When I click BLACK in piant, it stays white unless i click on it like 50 times" grinds mah gears.

-Search algorithms on deviantart = someone was on drugs. When I search my gallery for "Ariel" It comes up with nothing.. Yet "Cait x Ariel" is on the FIRST page... (check it yourself: http://caiterz.deviantart.com/ )

-On ebay the other day.. i search for "Pokemon Black Guide" (No description) and it comes up with some sex e-book... that didnt have Pokemon, Black, OR guide in the title.. Its like.. WHAT-__-.

-On ebay if you search for some things, some things show up, while others dont... Like i searched for ".hack 4" and some came up.. yet when i searched for ".hack" itself... one called ".hack vol 4" came up that did NOT come up on the other search.

-Photoshop has stopped responding! *Loose work*

-NOTEPAD of all things.. has stopped responding.. *Loose ALL work*

-Mai guildies have lied to me.. and lied and lied.. I put myself out there for them, i give them my email, i give them my phone number, tell them, If anythings wrong, LET me know! Then i PM them and ask if everythings goin alright, they tell me "yes" and now 1/2 of them leave because "Something is wrong" and "they wont tell me" and it doesnt matter if they told me or not because it could just be ANOTHER STORY!

-Everything in the apartment is broken.. The doors wont close, the back screen wont slide (even after cleaning the track), The back screen eventually fell OFF so we stuck it in the back, all the drains are plugged, the dishwasher liquid door wont open, the handle on the front door is falling off (at least it locks now), the stove is turning on all by itself. The air conditioner freezer over about every other hour unless you have the door open, and even then its about twice a day..

-Im almost running into cars that i SWEAR TO GOD were not there, forgetting a TON of stuff (Like if i turned the stove on???)(Like leaving keys in the door overnight!)

-Ive been sick for a while frikkin month. I got sick june 16th at the open house, and here i am still coughin my brains up, with an infinite source of mucus somewhere in my lungs.

-Being sick makes me angreh. *hulk smash* XD

-I cannot get a blu-ray disc to work apparently. I got it to work once, and it had terrible audio/video sync... and no option to offset it. v_v. *Boycott bluray forever*

-I can think of 8 people off the top of my head that have arranged dates to do something with me then blown me off without a call to cancel, without feeling like anything wrong the next day. Without explanation at all.

-I see people posting about hanging out with each other on facebook and i get sad cuz noone asks to hang out with me -_o, and when i ask, well i get blown off ...

-The people that DO talk to me constantly (which is why im offline on facebook/aim/msn so much) are ANNOYING AS HELL.. they just want to RP (and ive never RPd) and want to talk about pron and other stupid crap that I have no interest in.. Yet the people i Want to talk to, i send a message, I get no response.

-So, thinking that its too much of a coincidence that all these people dont wanna hang out or talk... I conclude that the problem is me. Whats wrong with me? Cuz i dont drink? I ask, and I get "Oh no, cait you are fine o_o you are awesome, why wouldnt somoene wanna talk to you?" So i am very confused naturally >_>...

-WHY DOES ANYONE CARE WHO MARRIES WHO? *Ragerageragerage*

-Walmart mocks me..1/2 of the problems i had, they are fixing. I complain about the pegs in the back being REALLY messy and unsorted. I offer to re-sort them out. They laugh in my face and say its impossible... Sure. Now i go in and theyve got all the pegs lined up in site to store, been sorting them for WEEKS.. .I could have done it in a day, and had fun doing it. >_>... I see all these repair men on the roof.. fixing "THE LEAKS".. Which.. I SLIPPED and screwed my knee up pretty bad.. couldnt walk right for a month or 2. I asked them to check the tapes.. They didnt. I asked them to fix the roof. They laughed at me and said theyve tried to fix the roof and its not gunna work, so just deal with it..... I was in toys that day, and Carol was in fabrics. They pushed Carol to go people greet, wheras if she was zoning instead of that, she might have found the leak and cleaned it up. But I was running around from fabrics to toys and electronics trying to cover EVERYONE, and i didnt even see it at ALL because i have SO MUCH CRAP TO DO, where theres people standing around TALKING TO CUSTOMERS FOR HOURS AT A TIME that could be helping out.. -__-. and a month after this, i had a breakdown with the people greeter thing... and then a MONTH after that, they got RID of people greeters. -____________-

-Daniel doesnt help me clean up at all. v_v which.... Im the woman, i beloing in the kitchen/cleaning is my mantra.. I'd still like to see socks candy wrappers in the trash can instead of on the on the desk by the trash can.. (its really the only thing that me and daniel argue over at all)

-Other health problems which are prolly TMI, so i wont go into them here, but they make life very inconvenient.. -_o

-I cant stop thinking about everything. I've never been able to, really, but lately I think about dying a lot. I think about my family dying. When daniel is late, i think about OMG HE was probably smashed by a truck and dying along side the road, and etc... I think about How my dad woud feel if my brother died... I think about when Travis the cat died. Outside of dying, i think about people being upset with me a lot.. I think about what others may be thinking. I go over conversastions in my head about 9004 times with different scenarios of what i could say, and what their reaction might be, and how i could have changed everything... this is GHETTO worse when someone really IS upset with me (or they lie to me and i call em out on it).. I just break down and cant stop THINKING... esp when im trying to sleep.. I can never sleep, cuz im always always always thinking... I wish i could shut my brain off.

-My brain thinks about weird ass things, such as caring if people are upset with me, like before.. but its like.. WHY DOES IT CARE? Why cant i just MOVE ON with my life and not care how they feel.. Most of the time i ask people if they are upset after 99 years of thinking and scenarios, and they say "Umm no im not upset o.o" so its just my STUPID brain.. Why does it WANT other people to hang out with besides daniel? I mean, i can understand wanting daniel, since the grand scheme is to pass on the genetic code.. that has a reason, but being friends doesn't really provide anything life-changing... v_v.. I think of terms of programming a computer and a brain.. Its not the same at ALL, but i HATE inefficiency, and my life is inefficient because of this random need to want to hang out with people and talk. I spend more time on facebook and chats than I'd like because of this. V_V..

-Daniels car is taking a poop. Super jerky. So i gotta drive him now. My car has had check engine light on foreva... so likely it will take a poop. Cory says my roders are about dead. whatever that is. I hate cars. Expensive and stress causing. *wants to move to europe and public transit everywhere*

Thats all that i have on my mind at this second.... all the little stuff building up.. causing rant-mode.

Sorry guyz, I shall shut up about it now. xD


"Went out to the rabbit show today at the fairgrounds.. it was really awkward and i didn't know anyone but it was nice to go out..

Then i went over to radioshack and looked at some stuff, and wandered over to gamestop and bought minecraft for 360.

It looks like its gunna rain... But.. I was pretty excited abou tgetting out of the house.. it was nice.."

Emotions

Aug. 18th, 2010 01:59 am
caitaro: (Default)
A list + Definitions




Affection - the emotional response of love toward somebody -
Ambivalence - situations where "mixed feelings" of a more general sort are experienced. -
Anger - Part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of harm.
Angst - an acute but unspecific feeling of anxiety; usually reserved for philosophical anxiety about the world or about personal freedom
Annoyance - something or someone that causes trouble; a source of unhappiness
Anticipation - pleasure (and sometimes anxiety) in considering some expected or longed-for good event, or irritation at having to wait.
Anxiety - a vague unpleasant emotion that is experienced in anticipation of some (usually ill-defined) misfortune
Apathy - the trait of lacking enthusiasm for or interest in things generally
Awe - an overwhelming feeling of wonder or admiration
Boredom - emotional state experienced during periods lacking activity or when individuals are uninterested in the opportunities surrounding them.
Compassion - the humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it
Compersion - Warm happy feelings experienced when noticing ones loved ones enjoying loving relationships with others. The opposite of jealousy.
Confusion - a mental state characterized by a lack of clear and orderly thought and behavior
Contempt - open disrespect for a person or thing
Contentment - experience of satisfaction and being at ease in one's situation.
Courage - ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.
Curiosity - state in which you want to learn more about something
Desire - the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state
Disappointment - feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized;
Disgust - typically associated with things that are regarded as unclean, inedible, infectious, or otherwise offensive.
Doubt - the state of being unsure of something
Ecstasy - subjective experience of total involvement of the subject, with an object of his or her awareness.
Embarrassment - shame you feel when your inadequacy or guilt is made public
Empathy - Empathy, which literally translates as in feeling, is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.
Emptiness - Emptiness as a human condition is a sense of generalised boredom, social alienation and apathy.
Enthusiasm - having or showing great excitement and interest;
Envy - a feeling of grudging admiration and desire to have something that is possessed by another
Euphoria - feeling of great (usually exaggerated) exhilarating psychological state of pride and optimism; an absence of depression
Fear - be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or even
Frustration - an act of hindering someone's plans or efforts
Gratification - pleasurable emotional reaction of happiness in response to a fulfillment of a desire or the fulfillment of a goal.
Gratitude - a feeling of thankfulness and appreciation
Grief - multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed.
Guilt - cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realises or believes--accurately or not--that they have violated a moral standard, and bear sole responsibility for that violation.
Happiness - state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.
Hatred - general is a vehement aversion entertained by one person for another, or for something more or less identified with that other.
Homesickness - distress or impairment caused by an actual or anticipated separation from the specific home environment or attachment objects.
Hope - the general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled;
Hostility - Showing antagonism and opposition towards peoples and events.
Humiliation - the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission.
Hysteria - neurotic disorder characterized by violent emotional outbreaks and disturbances of sensory and motor functions
Interest - a sense of concern with and curiosity about someone or something
Jealousy - negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love
Limerence - An involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction for another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated
Loneliness - a feeling in which people experience a strong sense of emptiness and solitude. Loneliness is often compared to feeling empty, unwanted, and unimportant. Someone who is lonely may find it hard to form strong interpersonal relationships.
Love - strong positive emotion of regard and affection
Lust - craving for sexual intimacy, sometimes to the point of assuming a self-indulgent character.
Mono no aware - awareness of mujo or the transience of things and a bittersweet sadness at their passing.
Nostalgia - yearning for the past, often in idealized form.[
Optimism - feeling that all is going to turn out well
Panic - sudden fear which dominates or replaces thinking and often affects groups of people or animals.
Patience - state of endurance under difficult circumstances
Passion - intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something.
Pessimism - state of mind which negatively colors the perception of life, especially with regard to future events.
Pity - evokes a tender or sometimes slightly contemptuous sorrow or empathy for people, a person, or an animal in misery, pain, or distress.
Pride - a feeling of self-respect and personal worth
Rage - a state of extreme anger
Regret - negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, embarrassment, depression, annoyance or guilt after committing an action or actions that the person later wishes that he or she had not done.
Remorse - Remorse is an emotional expression of personal regret felt by a person after he or she has committed an act which they deem to be shameful, hurtful, or violent. Remorse is closely allied to guilt and self-directed resentment.
Repentance - change of thought and action to correct a wrong and gain forgiveness from a person who is wronged.
Resentment - feeling of anger or displeasure stemming from belief that others have engaged in wrongdoing or mistreatment; indignation
Righteous indignation - typically a reactive emotion of anger over perceived mistreatment, insult, or malice. It is akin to what is called the sense of injustice.
Sadness - emotion characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, and helplessness.
Saudade - feeling of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which is lost. ...
Schadenfreude - delight in another person's misfortune
Sehnsucht - Deep emotional state of "longing", "yearning" and "craving",
Self-pity - a feeling of sorrow (often self-indulgent) over your own sufferings
Shame - a painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt
Suffering - feelings of mental or physical pain
Surprise - the astonishment you feel when something totally unexpected happens to you
Suspicion - cognition of mistrust in which a person doubts the honesty of another person or believes another person to be guilty of some type of wrongdoing or crime, but without sure proof.
Sympathy - a relation of affinity or harmony between people; whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other
Weltschmerz - denotes the kind of feeling experienced by someone who understands that physical reality can never satisfy the demands of the mind.
Wonder - the feeling aroused by something strange and surprising
Worry - disturb the peace of mind of; afflict with mental agitation or distress;

:|

Dec. 4th, 2009 10:22 pm
caitaro: (Default)
Gemz' BF dumped her./ he cheated on her with his ex.

and it gots me upset

im worried.

do any relationships ever last?

and then i feel bad


Cuz i miss salam a lot

and ive been neglecting the guild a ton Cuz im working about nonstop.


and i think

what if salam dumped me?

would he still come to irc? he said

"if for some reason things dont work out, everything will still be cool on my end" or something to that effect.


I think he would.

I would be very sad.

and im closest to salam and gemz...


Sephi is back to trickster now, im glad.

a lot of my guildies are sad thogouhm cuz its been so quiet..

I feel somewhat alone, even though i have 128 people who care about me....

<=/


*sigh*

2 hrs ish till salam gets on

i cant wait.

i need to ramble my insecurities to him.

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