Cait's Ramblings

Again, today my dad and i got into a fight.

I was askin cory if he was gunna use his white shirts we SPECIALLY GOT HIM for gym.. and hes like "I duno.." and we're like.. "So are you gunna wear em at all?" he says "I DUNO!" and im like "do you know anything? "I DONT KNOW!!!!"

so yeah corys stupid..and so i just say..Yeah...

Which somehow evolved into the electric bill.. (which was 78$) and dads complainin about tha.....t and i tell cory he doesnt need his light on full blast, his TV on, and fan on ALL night long...


and corys like.. "IF you would just GET A JOB!@" totally randomly o_O

and i tell him "WELL DAD WONT LET ME!!!!! if i work at admiral im gunna be RAPED! andif i work at the greenhouse, then ill get RAPED cuz there's a child molester that lives RIGHT THERE"

and dads like "I DONT WANT YOU KILLED!!!! JUST LIKE IN NORTH ADAMS!"

and i say "north adams is in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. ADmiral is NOT!"

and he goes "ITS NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.."


and so we're fighting and i dont care to reinact it on here becasue i have otehr things to do..

but..


yeah anyway so it made me think about.. I never get any positive reinforcement at all from him...

i brought home my notepad i made in indesign and hes like "...it took you 3 1/2 HRS TO MAKE /THIS/? God i made a better fire escape drawing in 20 mins today at work"
and my other thing i made.. my whiteface computer care thing.. he said it sucked because it looks like it got dropped in the rain <=( (when it didnt)


everything i do.. not just.. with my dad but with some other people too... I always get negative comments from.. they say everything i do.. sucks.. and.. >;\.. i dont know why.. but if there's other people.. like if i ask my teachers or people on the internet.. they say its cool...

ugh.. this is why i feel like giving up a lot of the time.. because i get 0 positive reinforcement..

the most exciting event of the year for me.. in middle/highschool.. is.. parent teacher confrences.. becuase all the teachers would say how incredibly awesome i am.. and whatnot..

If i were still in highschool.. by now i would have had 2 parent teacher confrences by now.. but not anymore...

Its just..
horribly depressing.. when i think i am worth nothing.. and people reinforce that fact..

and sure.. some people may say "but cait.. you are worth something to me!!!!! You are very imporant and blah de flippin arse blah."

YEAH right. If that were true, then more than likely you'd be on aim or msn talking to me right now.. instead of.. hmm.. me talking to el journalo right now..

Lets take a look at my logs, shall we?

In order of largest log size: (this is plain text mind you.. no HTML)

1. Shane 3.5MB
2. Sega 1.3MB
3. Max 1.2MB
4. Abu 1.1MB
5. EviloFisho 900KB
6. Travis 500KB
7. Cupid (Bot) 490KB
8. Smarchild (Bot) 470KB
9. Sp00ny 450KB
10. Will 380KB
11. Sauce 290KB
12. Rawlands a beast 150KB
13. Shopping Buddy 130KB
14. Brendan 120KB
15. Amaris Chan 110KB

This is.. essentially since 8/15/06

but anyway.


the majority of those people.. are people ive talked to once or twice.. 8 out of those 15 are people ive only talked to once or twice..

4 out of those 15 i talk to.... once in a great while.. you know.. maybe once every 3 months or so..

That leaves us with 3........ HMM can we guess who those are?? lol.. (and no its not the top 3 either)

but anyway..

thats besides the point.


The point is..

I feel horribly rejected and there's nothing anyone can ever do about it, because my life is royally forked up due to a multitude of factors..
because of this i can never live a normal life. EVER.


SOOooooooo if anyone knows of a good insane asylum >_>