Cait's Ramblings

It happened on MSN, so i can share it for once.

Share it with who?

Myself, duh.




Matt says (8:50 AM):
Well, I agree with them to an extent.
I mean it will be hard to be together...
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (8:51 AM):
Yeah o.o
Matt says (8:51 AM):
And the idea of, "You don't have to stop talking to him.... I mean it's your call. But if you want to try to be with him then go for it. I personally would still talk to him but remain friends only. That way it's just a friend going to college. There's no forever goodbye in that sense. You never know it could work out for you after all. It's honestly your call. Do what you feel more comfortable wi
"
Matt says (8:52 AM):
Sounds like it could work....But like I said...It might be hard to be content with being just friends
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (8:52 AM):
This brings up the original question though.
what -is- a relationship?
Matt says (8:53 AM):
Yea...I dunno.
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (8:53 AM):
what would we do differently as just friends rather than officially together?
Matt says (8:54 AM):
Nothing I think..
Other than the title and the commitment, it would be the same =x
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (8:54 AM):
and that brings up the question of
Why are we even together other than just the title and commitment?
what does that accomplish?
Matt says (8:55 AM):
I dunno.
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (8:55 AM):
a sense of security perhaps
but that shouldnt be the only reason to be together with someone
Matt says (8:55 AM):
Yeah...
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (8:55 AM):
see its situations like this
I duno what to think!
cuz i duno
i duno what a relationship is, what its supposed to be about, how its different from a friendship
Matt says (8:56 AM):
Well, the difference is the sexual/emotional aspect
Matt says (8:57 AM):
And since part of that is missing anyway...It is loosely tieing us together
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (8:57 AM):
Yeah
Matt says (8:57 AM):
Maybe...maybe we should try that suggestion? =x
Matt says (8:58 AM):
And like...
Just kinda do what we do but allow each to not feel obligated
to be online all night so we can get a chance to talk
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (8:58 AM):
Like staying up to all hours
yeah
Matt says (8:58 AM):
Yeah, exactly :3
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (8:58 AM):
i duno
Matt says (8:58 AM):
I think we'd both be happier
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (8:59 AM):
one of the main issues i saw...
if we stayed together..
we would only grow super special awesome closer and closer
and it would just hurt -more- if you had to leave for irl.
Matt says (9:00 AM):
Yeah =x
And if that happened...
And we never met...
There would be such a huge lack of closure...
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:00 AM):
Then that means it might be over, perma.
and left with awkwardness.
right?
Matt says (9:00 AM):
Yea =3
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:00 AM):
yeah
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:01 AM):
and even though...........
i wish irl, wouldnt happen
Perhaps this is the best solution, for the long run
Because we need to not think about instant gratification.
one thing me and you didnt talk about
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:02 AM):
and i didnt even think about
was, like..
just that.
Maybe we would have a better chance if we waited...
rather than just follow our instant gratification of NOW.
Matt says (9:03 AM):
Yea...We could, and like that person said...If we were meant to be together, we will stay together...Ya'know?
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:03 AM):
yeah.
Matt says (9:03 AM):
Even if we lose touch for months at a time or whatever...Its not like we can't start talking again.
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:03 AM):
Yeah
PLUS
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:04 AM):
we dont get the hurt-ness.. and awkwardness
Matt says (9:04 AM):
Yeah
Like the salam thing wouldn't happen lol =x
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:05 AM):
o.o?
im sure lots of my freinds feel bad because im with other friends..
i dont think that would be a relationship-only thing
Matt says (9:06 AM):
Eh, I dont think it would be the same.
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:06 AM):
o.0 how come?
unless you felt.. jelousy/fear?
Matt says (9:06 AM):
Eh?
Matt says (9:07 AM):
I wouldn't be hurt because you're not talking to me about your irl problems...
Cuz I wouldn't feel like you should talk to me about that stuff above others =x
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:07 AM):
ohz.
o.o
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:08 AM):
i pretty much just talk to whoever im talking to at the moment. . .
IRL Stuff is SUPPOSED to be wtih partners mostly.?
Matt says (9:08 AM):
Well...
Matt says (9:09 AM):
Some people are kinda closed off about irl problems
since its personal
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:09 AM):
:x
Matt says (9:09 AM):
And since you trust your partners...
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:09 AM):
maybe thats why i dun understand.. i just tell anyone who'll listen XD
Matt says (9:09 AM):
Its easier to talk openly about =x
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:09 AM):
Like..
last friday..
Matt says (9:09 AM):
Thats not a bad thing..
Being open is healthy...to an extent
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:10 AM):
*guild chat*
Cait: oh my dads home... i wonder why hes home
Cait: :-O
Cait: he said.. hes guna be layed off till further notice..
Cait: because chrystler filed for bankrupstsy last night or whatever...
Cait: so they sent him home early today... could be up to a month x-x
Matt says (9:11 AM):
><
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:11 AM):
i just told whoever wanted to read, Lol
its not like i'd pm anyone in particular, what if that particular person didnt care
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:12 AM):
yesterday... Reiina tried giving this noob 50k.. and the noob said "no.." and then noob tried talking to reiina and said "Hi my names Joe"
to guild chat reiina was like "why is this guy talking to me? I Seriously dont care"
i fear people will think that about what i say
which is why i do well i group settings, because i can spit out whatever, and not have to worry.
If they dont care, they dont feel like being targeted.. and they can just ignore me..
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:13 AM):
if noone cares at all, i dont have to feel bad, because i can figure they just dun have any comment, Lol
Matt says (9:13 AM):
=/
Thats your self-confidence again =x
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:14 AM):
when i visited my art teacher last year we talked about this
about how i cant talk to people...
near the end he said "and you see whats weird about what we've talked about today?"
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:15 AM):
him: "Because you didnt ask any questions.. I ask you things and you respond well, and you can carry out a good conversation, but I have to initiate it.... because you dont ask anything"
"Our relationship works because Im good at asking questions and commenting.. you're very goof at responding"
*good
..and thats IRl talking, not on the net.
IRL its very very bad.. XD
Matt says (9:15 AM):
heh
Matt says (9:16 AM):
Well, its easy to respond. You dont have to try to think what to ask, you just answer...Questions mean making yourself vulnerable and trying coming up with things
It shows what's on your mind.
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:17 AM):
yeah, exactly..
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:18 AM):
im very afraid of the unknown, of being vulnerable.. of being judged.. perhaps thats why I cant do a lot of things.
I dont like to put myself in positions where i have a weak spot, you know.
Matt says (9:19 AM):
Yea. =x
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:19 AM):
even in trickster.. Blue salas murder me.. my solution? dont train there.
Matt says (9:19 AM):
LOL
Solution: MD fortune xD
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:20 AM):
Lol i was just thinking that
but when i trained there, there was no fortune
BUT
Matt says (9:20 AM):
Rather than avoiding issues, find a solution =x
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:20 AM):
yeah
im good at avoiding
..But not at solutions.
Matt says (9:20 AM):
=x
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:20 AM):
on the forums
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:21 AM):
i dont bitch out tuvis' ass because i dont want conflict. It upsets me too greatly.
so i dont comment, i avoid.
Matt says (9:21 AM):
=/
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:21 AM):
when i get into an argument or a fight... even if THEY are the ones being pointless it upsets myself so much
and its constantly on my mind, and i get so emotionally drained
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:22 AM):
its not worth it, imo.. and is better on my physically, emotionally, and socially just to avoid
Matt says (9:22 AM):
Eh, it drains you in the long run
And people walk on you
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:22 AM):
yeah.
and im okay with that :P
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:23 AM):
people walking on me feels much better than arguing...
Matt says (9:23 AM):
=/
Matt says (9:24 AM):
Its worse for you as a person though
To be walked on.
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:25 AM):
Perhaps thats where i fail x3
I dont look at the "as a person" my emotional and social development
thats not something most people do... esp kids.
i care about what hurts and what doesnt...
Matt says (9:26 AM):
Yeah
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:26 AM):
it would be good for me to go get involved in social things and stuff.. but i wont... because it hurts >_<
thats where i rely on other people to push me.. and its bad, but.. ><
Matt says (9:27 AM):
Yea, life isnt easy...Sometimes you need to do things that are uncomfortable to be happy
or grow
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:28 AM):
yeah X3
perhaps thats what defines a grown up
Matt says (9:28 AM):
Maybe
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:28 AM):
"touch the coffee pot. It hurts now. But it will be better in the long run"
(for what, nothing in this analogy XD)
Matt says (9:29 AM):
Sort of...except touching a hot coffee pot would never benefit you.
lol yea :P
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:29 AM):
yeah thats what i meant
yeah
*epiphany for today: success*
Matt says (9:29 AM):
hehe
Well,
Us being just friends...
Is maturity...
Hurts now...but it may be better in the long run
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:29 AM):
Yeah
i guess you're right.
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:30 AM):
wow
Im an idiot
i just went on that ramble and didnt even relate that to this situation.
~.~
Matt says (9:30 AM):
lol :P
Matt says (9:31 AM):
I dunno what else to say about it though =x
- [•-=~* Sir Cait *~=-•] - says (9:32 AM):
Yea i duno either.

so me and matt cammed. for hours. XD

here's one that a was particularly good pic of both of us XD





but yeah

and hes soooo awesome..

like.

we were in camp.. and i said like

"soo... eh... umm.. if you want.."

and he said
"Stop! Wait.. lemme see if i can read your mind!"
and i said "ok"

he said

"...you wana try camming with me?"

and i said

"OMGGGGGGGGG HOW DID YOU KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

XD

he can just..

finish my sentences.. he knows what im thinking.. He understands my anxiety and paranoia, he has a bit of it too..

and he just... knows.. everything.

he's so smarttttt

andd

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

XD

<3