Went to Oaklawn today

[caitaro]

and found out im Bipolar... particularly Type II...

Um..

I dont know how to react to this really..
i took meds for sleeping that were like bipolarish issued but i never officially had it but

now i guess i do..

So i read up on it...

and omfg.. it is totally.... totally how i feel.... the times when im in the 'depressed state' i feel worthless and stuff doesnt get done and it piles up and you sleep too much or too little..

and during the 'high state' I feel UBER and hyper and WOOSh i can do ANYTHIIIIIIIIINg weoos but yeah.. i rarely have this... um..
I think im currently experiencing a bit of both cuz..

i duno

im sort of xcited about having it.. yet im crying because i dont want it.. i dont understand...

i think things... and i just dont know..

people ask me.. my opinion on things and i dont know.. i dont have an opinion... unless its a strong opinion..

Ex: do you want onion or not?
me: HELL. NO.
but if someone said "where do you wanna eat today?"

me: I dun care...

and im awful shaky right now.. and cold... and not very tired...
i rock back and forth sometimes.. and clench my fists... grit my teeth.. breathe heavily.. cry.. because i dont know what else to do... i want to get rid of this feeling but i cant.. it's so awful....

I dont think anyone should have to go through it..

Sure you... CRAZY people out there are like... "OH IT COULD BE SOOOOOO MUCH WORSE!!!!"

Well i dont give a mother effin rats aresenal that it could be much worse... It isnt and to me its bad.. ok..

most people think that mental illness is not an illness at all.

That physical illness is the only thing..
when people break their leg or have their spleen tooken out or whatever... people are like "<=O are you ok? you poor thing!!!!!"

but if your mentally sick they tend to stay away from you.. and think your crazy... and say your faking it or "you could be much worse"

Yeah i guess i could be bipolar and fat and have many diseases.. waIT i ALREADY AM!! but i COULD have cancer or die or something (if only i could be so lucky)

But.. when we were in taco bell today, i established that Murphy is stalking us and he wants our SOULS!!!!! BUT TOO EFFING BAD MURPHY!!!!! I BEQUEATHED MY SOUL TO SHANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHA IN YOUR FACE YOU BIIIIIISHOUJOAQUANECRONEOPEDOPHILIACTITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but yeah..

so im bipolar.... bisexual... asexual... crazy.. amoong other things... >_>...

I think... i shall be the next dorothea dix... THEN I WILL HAVE A WHOLE SOCIOLOGY CLASS DO PRESENTATIONS ON ME!!!! BWAHAHHAHURAW*ER()A*VF)SDFI

maybe not..

because that was just crazy o_O..

not that i care..

mannnn i dun wanna sleep but i LURVE <3 sleep but i blah and sk00l... and FAssfo9 government i hate governmenttttt ;---------;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

i lurve my day after lunch mannnn

IS, IS, and drawing ... oohh.... ooooooohhhhhhhh............................ ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhmaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn i loooooooooooooooooooouuuuurrrrrrrrrrrvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeee ittttt like cory lurrrrrrrrrves his f0000d...

*sob8
well i guess ill go lay down..

Because..

gah..

weJ(AGP)KOPGKOPSDGOSDGK

I JSUTTTTTt
WANT TOOoooooooo....

gggggggggeeeeeetttttttttttt

out of HEREEEe and go HOMEEE but i CANNTTT because B:AAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhsdkwbnes ,.

i dont even know.. anything...

*sob*
life is just so...... .... unreal... and i dont.. Afrignggggggggg KNOW WHYYYY!!#$_) its crazy.... rreeeeeallll crazy...
so..

..
i just want to be normal for once...

Comments

[saintcarvin.livejournal.com]

Hey, we need to talk some time. I'm bipolar II as well. Though from your LJs, I wonder if you aren't bipolar I. You seem to have more than just a hypomanic phase. (yea, I'm also a psychology student)

:o

[caitaro.livejournal.com]

Yeah i duno..

im a lot different IRL than on the internet so.. i duno..

I have new secret aim and msn names lol cuz i dont like to be botehred anymore.

do you have either?

Re: :o

[saintcarvin.livejournal.com]

I don't think so. IM me at SaintCarvin on AIM and tell me them.

Re: :o

[caitaro.livejournal.com]

otay...

lol