Went to Shanes

Him and Travis prolly hate me now...
...not that i care.
Why i dont? I dont know..
Travis gave me a really bad headache and i put up with it through most of the day.. and then i was like";_; owiee"
So.. /SOMETHING/ compelled me to just..
not talk to anyone.. or to do absolutely nothing..

I think.. part of me doesnt want me to have any friends. period. And part of me. loves the attention i get from them.. and Loves THEM very much.. but..
sometimes the part of me that doesnt want any friends prevails..
Like when i fight with my current BF... i used to fight with alex alot.. and.. i started to fight with sp00ny.. but then the sensible part of me said
"hey look. This is the last shot you GOT at a BF.. EVER. dont EFFING BLOW IT YOU DILMA!"
Yeah..
ill prolly end up fighting with him still.. Because i cant control.. what i think or do.. it just.... happens.. and i dont like it..
and i WISH there was medicine to stop it..
but even if were was.. its like uberly expensive.. and it prolly wont work on me.. because my life is a failure.

I have never done anything right.. Like.. i made a successfull hamtaro website / forums... and i drove EVERY last one of them away.. because.. i liked to fight.. and pick.. and most if it is just for fun.. but over the internet you cant tell that!! so they took it offensively and they all hate me..

Sp00nys the only one who stuck by me.. He must be really brave for putting up with me all the time.. but im still paranoid and i wonder if he ever thinks about dumping me..

But heres all the possible scenarios (if only my luck is applied)
a.) He thinks about dumping me
b.) He's just 'hanging on' still to not hurt my feelings..
c.) He's cheating on me
d.) He secretly doesnt.... like me.. but just doesnt want to say..
or
e.) He doesnt hate me AT ALL and loves me for EVER.

E. is very.. unlikely to happen.. (if only my luck is factored in)
But like
even if we were to get through school without breaking up (dear GOD i hope we can but because of my luck, is VIRTUALLY impossible)
i dunno what id do for work!! i cant go to college because theres nothing for me there! woo go take CALCULOUS IV!!!!1.. JUST so you can QUALIFY to take computer sciences..  i cant even do algebra I.. im so .. friggin flippin arse stupid..

*sigh*

Yeah im in one of them moods again..... one of them.. omg i hate myself and everyone but like 4 people moods.

I woke up this morning (about 9:30)
And you know what i said to myself
"NO!!!!! NO!! DONT.. DONT WAKE UP.. they're THERE.. waiting for you.. to USe you.. to.. torture you to NO. END!>"
o_O..
I suppose that was another part of me speaking.....
I seriously think i have split personalities.....
But noone cares.....
Because im just cait......
and noone cares about cait!~ cuz shes the meatshield.. the punching bag..

Yeah..

*Insert depressing ranting hereeeeee yayayayayayayaaaaaaaaaaayayyayyaay yayayaya ayaay yaayy yaya yaay ay aya yay y a*

Lol.. WHY i went crazy..

It just occured to me a reason why i might have gone crazy yesterday

-- Low blood sugar :P

The only thing i had to eat yesterday waaaassss..

-Cookies + Cream milk thingy
-Cherry Slushie
-Sour gummy worms.


Yeah.. i asked dad if thats why i possibly went crazy
and he said "Well when my mom got low blood sugar she'd go crazy and do those things too, so probably"

So yeah
now we allllll know..

oOh yeah
and it turns out while i was at shanes yesterday... Dad and cory went to coldwater.. Christmas shopping . . . For /ME/...

Now i told him
"Theres nothing you can get me thats not on the internet"
and
what did he do?
I went and bought me 90$ worth of SHIT i probably will NEVER use.. and if i were to have WANTED that shit, it would have costed me 35$ on ebay.. allowing me to get 55$ worth of more things..

but NO! i have to get BRAND SPANKIN NEW THINGS when i could have gotten someones old things that they didnt want for 1/5th the price.

God I HATE HIM.
im ALWAYS a penny pincher
and if he wants to LOWER My christmas stuff i usually get by 400% he should at /LEAST/ let me pick out the SHIT I WANT!!!!!!!

GODDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!

FRIGIN ARSE HATREDDDDD!!!!