Cait's Ramblings

Maybe i am overreacting.. but who hasnt overreacted?


Maybe i am a drama queen.. But it's not over completely stupid stuff like "omg you whore, those are my shoes" or " you told jimmy that i thought he was ugly, but i secretly <3 him, now i HATTTE YOU!!!" or.. stupid 9th grade drama..

I overreact to things that annoy me..

the best thing to do is... dont say things.. that are annoying! EX: "you just hate me" please dont say that.. many people say that to me, and MEANit..

Rejection is a huge fear of mine, you know.. You dont exploit other people's huge fears. It's a very bad thing..

Now you know im afraid of ants.. so you say "OMG CAIT THERES AN ANT ON YOU?" I might jump or something but i wouldnt freak and get pissed..

but if you were to say something potentially life altering.. or degrading to me in general... for ex: "Cait, you seriously smell, and I dont think i can hang out with you any more" That would make me very perturbed..

However, if you were to say "Cait, you're fat" I would say "I know! :D" because i do know and i dont care..

I need to make one of those '100 reasons why it's better to be fat' list things XDDD!!

anyway..

maybe my mind is secretly hating all humans more than normal... and is trying to push my friends (the ones who I lurvee the most ) away.. in order to 'punish myself'

Ive noticed i punish myself subconciuosly a LOT..
(maybe im a masochist!..is that even the right word? XD)

but like.. at the fair or whatever... i will refrain from eating or drinking anything.. or going to the bathroom.. now if i get extremely thirsty, where i become fatigued... then i get a drink.. or if im going to pee my pants, ill go to the bathroom, lol.. But il only eat if people force me :\ (this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact im practicly morbidly obese)

If I'm really hot, i wont say anything.. i just keep on going as if everything is fine.. If i wanna go see the damned cows in the barn, i wont because i dont want to inconvienience my dad..

afterwards when we were outside the barn with the tickets to the plays.. dads like "you can go sign up if you want!!!!! ill just stay here." and im like "no!! No!!! lets.. just go."

I also pull my hair out.... I dont know why.. I have since 7th grade... I have chronic nail picking, too (not biting) i have no nails.. (well.. not NONE.. but if i can see white off the endof my nail, it's gone within a day.. there's always ~1/2 CM - 1CM of skin you can see at the end of my fingers... my nails have never been past the tips...) and ungodly amounts of split ends..

I duno. i hate me, and how i am.. the things i do..

Why dont i ever do anything for /ME/?
why is it always to try not to inconvience everyone else..

as shane + travis said.. "Why dont you ever WANT us to come over?"

because i apparently dont believe in doing anything for myself.. If you want to come over, go ahead... If you come willingly, i know it's not an inconvienience for you..
If i randomly show up... It's practicly taboo....

This whole post pracicly is the kindof things i think about in the car.. or in the shower.. ive never been able to get them out into words before... hmmm......


unfortunately, i have to get up in 3 1/2 hrs... and im not very tired *dies*

Welll
I Woke up at 11 today aaaaaand dads like
"Jerrie was up till 4 AM last night PICKIGN LICE OFF DANIELLES HEAD"

So im like "*Insert scared face here*"
And so dad gets his flashlight and checks me over and he says im okay but he didnt really look very hard :O

but anyway.. Danielle's "step-dad-to-be" got into an accident on I-75 or something.. and jackknived his gravel train and like totaled it..

Looks like their christmas is gunna suck o_O
Danielle got lice for christmas and Doug got a totaled gravel train... and a hurt shoulder...
but he doesnt have insurance so he cant get it xrayed or anything.

Not my fault..


But anyway... Danielle's family will prolly have a better xmas than we will.. because of this shit..

Yeah.. Dad's going to be bawling tomarrow.

And we put our tree up yesterday. Yeah. Yesterday.. So dad brang the presents out and hmmm.. i have a grand total of........ 4 presents! YAY!

Of those 4... I know i got the Sims 2 for Gamecube.. Which.. i totally didnt want.. and he RANDOMYL bought it for me..
EVEN after i said
"NO.. theres NOTHING you can buy for me.. that's not on ebay."

but did he lisetn? NO.
He goes out and buys a STUPID game... and not even the system i'd want to get it for.. X)_X
I guess he cant take a hint

Cuz its like.. D00d. Dont get me stuff for christmas.. that i didnt ask for. Because that's just wasting your money.
I'd never play the sims 2 for GC> I hope he saved the receipt because i'm taking it back. Yeah.

Anyway.. Theres another present.. which is a big box.. and i thought it was Mario DDR.. which i DID want.. and i had mentioned that to him SEVERAL times... However on the wrapping it says "FRAGILE GLASS. DONT SHAKE".. So its not Mario DDR. Darn. It's probably a stupid religious snow globe or statue or something. They have those at walmart.. I Told my dad "*POints at religious snow globe/statues* IF you ever find somoething dragon like that for me.. get it because thats cool." But then again.. My dad has a sensor in his ears that filters out everything i say. So He SAW me point at it.. and probably got it.. Why do people never listen?


There's another semi-big present.. Which is long.. and about 4 In thick..
Hm... what could it be... what could it beeee..
Perhaps its a craft set for like 7 year olds.... ... Sometimes i like those :O But it's probably one of the retarded craft set.. like.. Build a snoman out of felt and glue. Yeah. Retarded.

The last one is.. this.. little THING. which kinda looks like a pack of matchbox cars.. or something..
It might be the 6$ pack of 3 pens that i wanted /for my birthday/.. I like those pens.. they write so smooth :O~~~ its like chocolate.. XD


Anyways. There we have it for my christmas.

And if you're reading this.. and you have kids... Whos mother just died.. and your only giving them very limited amount of money to use for christmas.. Don't go out and buy 40$ for a video game they never even said they wanted. Chances are.. They dont want it! I mean

OK.
The sims are okay.. but not for 40$.. alright.. The sims is one of those games i play for like a week and im like "oh. this is stupid. *Puts it on shelf for eternity*"

If dad wanted to get me 40$ worth of sims.. he COULD have gotten me the Sims with all 7 expansion packs for PC.. for 40$.. which if you were to buy them all seperatly would be like,.. what.. $100 at least? Yeah.

I know it looks like im whining about all this. But i'm sick.. of seeing my freinds get like.. $3.2 million worth of crap.. When i get *GASP GASP* 100$.. that's not even 1/6th of my social security.. for ONE month..

and as you all prolly know.. The social security for me.. doesnt actually get used.. On me. It gets used to pay house bills. And thats it.

And dad.. (If you didnt know.. but you prolly do) ...is forcing me to go to JCC to college.. While i have to live here.. and jackson is a FRIKIIN Hour away from here.. ...next year.. WHy? Just so he can have his PRECIOUS SOCIAL SECURITY FOR ME!!!!!

Ugh.. He's just using me for money.. And i've confronted him about this before.

I've said
"YOUR JUST USING ME FOR MY SOCIAL SECURITY MONEY!"
And hes like
"WELL I DUNO IF I EVEN GET TO SEE THAT MONEY! THEY MIGHT TAKE IT STRAIT AND APPLY IT TO COLLEGE"

Yeah. Like the social security people KNOW how much im going to owe on the college crap.

They're going to send it to him.. and hes going to buy cigarettes.. and buy Every last thing cory has ever wanted.. for him

he SAYS.. he doesnt spoil cory but he does >_> He always takes cory to Lynne's house when im at shanes house.. they always eat out when im at shanes house.. They go to the lake when im at shanes house.. They go christmas shoppiing when im at shanes house.. they probably blow 3,000$ on cat shit.. WHEN im at shanes house..

we NEVER do anythign when i'm home except go to walmart once a week....

So what is this? I'm their main source of entertainment? If I'm not there they have to go out and do things? and see their freinds? And eat out? And buy cat shit?

I doubt it. I sit at the computer all day long and dont speak to them. EVER.
Because i hate them.

And dad came up to me a few days ago.. Tearey eyed.. "Caitlin... Do you.... hate me?"

I said no.. because if i said yes.. he'd start bawling.. and do i /REALLY/ want to see that? NOPE!

And.. with that lice thingy.. Dad just came up to me and said
"Well.. That lice shampoo doesnt work because JERRY tried it!!!!! and it didnt work!!!!"
So cait says "WELL SHE PROBABLY WAS USING IT WRONG!!!!!"
so he says "So.. she had to coat danielles head in mayo and put a plastic bag over it for a few hours.... I guess it makes it so the lice cant breathe and die"

OK. Dad. If you put.. a plastic bag over some lice.. With uh.. mayo o_O.. It's not like they have lungs as big as a humans. THey have little tiny minuscule lungs.. that DONT need much air.. They probably have enough air in that plastic bag to last them the rest of their lives and then the lives of their children!

The only way you could like.. Sufficate the lice.. is if you light Danielle's hair on fire.. then put the plastic bag over it makeing sure theres no leaks around the edges.. IE: Merging it with danielle's head.... And wait till the fire goes out... Because if the fire cant survive.. neeither caan the lice?

OK? make sense? OK.

Mayo + a plastic bag.. just... WONT WORK.. thats like saying.. you can stop a tsunami from hitting an island if you put peanut butter all around the edges of the entire coastline @_* people are stupid i SWEAR.


S
Oh..
and heres something funny on yahoo news..

Shiites reject calls for new Iraqi ballot

Shiites?

wtf? XD is that the name of some Iraqi leader?

I can imagine it now... "Mr. Shiites! You need to call for new Iraqi ballot!" hahahahahaha. crazy stuff.

So yeah

I think im off to smoke a joint now.

BBL..

lol.. or maybe not... however if i was a druggie i probably would do to the # of stress i have right now ^_^
Perhaps ill load up on smores ice cream and go to bed.