Cait's Ramblings

-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:36 AM):
 hi
 sorry
 i spent 2 1/2 hrs talking to my dad
-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:37 AM):
 That amounted to
  a.) Im pissed about my childhood
b.)Im insecure about things cuz of my crappy childhood
c.) I wanna get over this insecurity because its holding me back from being with daniel.
d.) To do that, i want to move out and have some time alone to think about things.
RisingManes says (12:38 AM):
 Ah... very mature of you, Cait.
-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:51 AM):
 as i told spagetios..
 I do have 2 days off.. wed + thurs
Kia says (12:51 AM):
 
-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:52 AM):
 I think im going to venture down to our other house during those 2 days.. and do a test run.. See how things go.. Heck, maybe during those 2 days ill get everything sorted out, and I wont have to "move"
Kia says (12:52 AM):
 :x
-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:53 AM):
 But im not bringing my pc. Cuz ill just sit on it those 2 days and accomplish nothing XD
Kia says (12:53 AM):
 LOL
-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:53 AM):
 But ill still have my phone, so you nubs can still talk to me <3
Kia says (12:53 AM):
 ;-;
-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:53 AM):
 so
 you guys will have to hold down the fort
 in my absense
RisingManes says (12:53 AM):
 Okay, Cait.
-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:53 AM):
 im on a quest for enlightenment
RisingManes says (12:54 AM):
 Good luck getting your Guardian, Cait.
Kia says (12:54 AM):
 You need a harkon for that nab
RisingManes says (12:54 AM):
 And a map!
-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:54 AM):
 IRL enlightenment
 lol
 you guys are dorks
 XD
RisingManes says (12:55 AM):
 I know.
 XD
Kia says (12:55 AM):
 ffiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnneeeee
-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:55 AM):
 <3
Kia says (12:55 AM):
 we'll get the honey tea atleast
RisingManes says (12:55 AM):
 Just because I'm not in Trickster anymore doesn't mean I can't crack a joke.
 Nom.
-=~* Sir Cait of Walmartington *~=- says (12:55 AM):
 ^_~

I could put a hugely long rant about how i hate my dad..

and a long transcribed conversation / world war 3 we had


but basically it amounts to.

DADDY... Daddy wasnt there..

to change my underwear..

it seems he doesnt CAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaareee...

daddy wasnt there.


that and... Witch man vampire is an idiot.


and that i demand perfection, but my demands cannot be met.


So...

In a world of imperfection...

Hows someone like me supposed to exist?!?!

Why cant i accept stupidity? Why cant i accept imperfection!!?? in anyone but myself....

So the real question is.

Who is it here that i should question?

My dad? or me.......

Maybe i am overreacting.. but who hasnt overreacted?


Maybe i am a drama queen.. But it's not over completely stupid stuff like "omg you whore, those are my shoes" or " you told jimmy that i thought he was ugly, but i secretly <3 him, now i HATTTE YOU!!!" or.. stupid 9th grade drama..

I overreact to things that annoy me..

the best thing to do is... dont say things.. that are annoying! EX: "you just hate me" please dont say that.. many people say that to me, and MEANit..

Rejection is a huge fear of mine, you know.. You dont exploit other people's huge fears. It's a very bad thing..

Now you know im afraid of ants.. so you say "OMG CAIT THERES AN ANT ON YOU?" I might jump or something but i wouldnt freak and get pissed..

but if you were to say something potentially life altering.. or degrading to me in general... for ex: "Cait, you seriously smell, and I dont think i can hang out with you any more" That would make me very perturbed..

However, if you were to say "Cait, you're fat" I would say "I know! :D" because i do know and i dont care..

I need to make one of those '100 reasons why it's better to be fat' list things XDDD!!

anyway..

maybe my mind is secretly hating all humans more than normal... and is trying to push my friends (the ones who I lurvee the most ) away.. in order to 'punish myself'

Ive noticed i punish myself subconciuosly a LOT..
(maybe im a masochist!..is that even the right word? XD)

but like.. at the fair or whatever... i will refrain from eating or drinking anything.. or going to the bathroom.. now if i get extremely thirsty, where i become fatigued... then i get a drink.. or if im going to pee my pants, ill go to the bathroom, lol.. But il only eat if people force me :\ (this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact im practicly morbidly obese)

If I'm really hot, i wont say anything.. i just keep on going as if everything is fine.. If i wanna go see the damned cows in the barn, i wont because i dont want to inconvienience my dad..

afterwards when we were outside the barn with the tickets to the plays.. dads like "you can go sign up if you want!!!!! ill just stay here." and im like "no!! No!!! lets.. just go."

I also pull my hair out.... I dont know why.. I have since 7th grade... I have chronic nail picking, too (not biting) i have no nails.. (well.. not NONE.. but if i can see white off the endof my nail, it's gone within a day.. there's always ~1/2 CM - 1CM of skin you can see at the end of my fingers... my nails have never been past the tips...) and ungodly amounts of split ends..

I duno. i hate me, and how i am.. the things i do..

Why dont i ever do anything for /ME/?
why is it always to try not to inconvience everyone else..

as shane + travis said.. "Why dont you ever WANT us to come over?"

because i apparently dont believe in doing anything for myself.. If you want to come over, go ahead... If you come willingly, i know it's not an inconvienience for you..
If i randomly show up... It's practicly taboo....

This whole post pracicly is the kindof things i think about in the car.. or in the shower.. ive never been able to get them out into words before... hmmm......


unfortunately, i have to get up in 3 1/2 hrs... and im not very tired *dies*

ok so since i had today off... shane came over.. and we did stuff and played scrabble..


So we were playing pokemon snap.... and it was my turn.. so shane was putting crap in my hair... and im like.. "...STOP!!!!" and hes like "FINE ILL LEAVE" and he left..

so i duno x_x..

maybe hes pissed at me..
maybe he wanted to go home....
maybe he just hates me..

i dont know..

but lately im getting pissed at people doing the stupidest stuff..

Like leaving a cake in the hot sun.

and putting crap in my hair...

and punching me....

and randomly deleing crap on the computer

I think ill just STAB myself with a banana..

wooo bananas..


only we dont have any ;_;.............

so..

*asks cory to play n64 while she cleans*