Cait's Ramblings

I am sick of my online life.

I dont care anymore. I dont care to be on Trickster. I dont have the motivation to IM anyone. Sometimes I dont feel like IMing back the people who IM me.

Why?

Because they dont feel like real friends. Because I dont feel attached anymore.

All it is is text on a screen. Sure i k now theres someone behind that text. Sure, i know that the text is in different sequences.. Text that depending upon who it's from will react differently to what i tell it.

 But i dont feel attached to it anymore. I dont feel motivated to care deeply and intensely for each new screenname that pops up for me.

I dont get excited to meet new people.

That's a lot of donts, i know. And the only reason I know this is because i refuse to use an apostrophe and opera is saying it is all spelled wrong, lol. 

but I've had a taste of real life, VIA Walmart.  There i have my customers... many of which I make very happy every day.

I have my friends.. and my significant other. All which people I love very dearly. I'm interested in saying hi to the new people IRL.. not online.

Why?

Because online it seems all fake. I've done the online community thing. I've LED communities online since 2001. That's 9 years. Thats a long-ass time. Ive been friends with thousands and acquantenced  with hundreds of thousands of people..

and they are all the same.

They are my friend for x amount of time. I support them in their 3 day relationships, in which they "ZOMG LOVE THEM 4 EVER" then cry for 34 years afterwards cuz "ZOMG MY ETERNAL LOVER (of 3 days) DUMPD ME, IMA BE SAD FOR 99 YEARS AND CUT MYSELF WITH A WATERMELON TO ADD TO MY PAIN CUZ I GOTTA DO IT OR I WON FEEL ALIIIIiIIiiiiiiIVEVeVE"

and at first i helped those people. I stayed up till 8am counseling them. Helping them. Nurturing them. And they appreciate it. I helped them.

But where are those people today? I dont know. Pretty  much every friend I've had online has at one point or another, abandoned me.

Whereas I make my IMs and everything about me very public, and a quick google search will bring up TONS of info about me.. many of my friends lifes remains a mystery.

Which brings me to - Do they actually care? DID they actually care?

What i'm interested in, out of a friendship is "Friends for life" not "friends for 3 months then 8 months of missing in actionness then 2 more months of friendship"

Maybe my standards are too high. I tend to care less when people that bring BS to me, CONTINUE to bring BS to me. Sure I'll listen to problems. I'll help. I'll care.

But when its every single conversation is some sort of BS that just pisses me off? Then I am pissed, and care less for that person.

I love IRL because people dont have that piddly little teenage BS.

I love being an adult and i never wanna go back to that time in my life where everything was BS, because im sick of it.

This is why i want to cast mY PC alive and be offline only.

But i cant let my guild down, not like so many in the past have.

But it hurts me.

blah.

I think ima  Turn trickster off today and do something for -me-.