![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caitaroOh I wiiiiiiiiiiiiish I could sleeepp~ but noooooooo.
Guess I'll have a minor distraction.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqijsweJzFQ
Guess I'll have a minor distraction.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqijsweJzFQ
Ragnarok Prontera THEM
This has nothing to do with my online life... But i feel disgusted that I can't post it on my real life account, for fear of "random unfriendings" (yes yes i know, if they unfriend you then they aren't worth it anyway) but MEH, I have to take what i can get IRL! Q_Q
And I need to vent, otherwise I will just cry all night and be pent up...
I feel disgusted that no one will tell me the truth. Espe...cially people that I feel "closest" to. If my house is a mess and it looks terrible... Tell me. Dont wait till i re-organize it then say "WOW YOUR HOUSE LOOKED LIKE SHIT, BUT ITS BETTER NOW!"
I ask time and time again... "Why does noone want to hang out with me? Why is everyone friendly until I attempt an "Outside of facebook" social setting?"
I am told "There's nothing wrong with you, Cait. Dont worry"
But I know it's a lie. If there was nothing wrong with me, then people would ask me to go out with them all the time... not once every 10 years.
Am I boring? Does the fact I throw out random statistics and pop culture references make me undesirable to be around? Do I smell? Am I too ugly to be seen with in public?
I see co-workers hang out together, and I feel sad. This rules out the "There's nothing wrong with you Cait, it's just that they dont have time to" excuse that gets thrown at me occasionally. Noone wants to hang out with me. Noone invites me to go shopping or paint walls or go for a walk or bike ride or thrift shopping or berry picking.
I wish I was okay with being a hermit and alone and holed up away from society, but there's some instict going on that says "Be around people" "Ba a part of the group" and DRIVES me to WANT to be involved with other people....
I CANT shut it off, and I feel trapped. I want to enjoy my life away from these untrustworthy lying backstabbing meatsacks.. I want to enjoy being alone... Coding for hours and hours and just being happy with that... But I cant.
So I must write a letter.
Dear Instincts:
Please shut off... or go to hell
thx
, Cait
And I need to vent, otherwise I will just cry all night and be pent up...
I feel disgusted that no one will tell me the truth. Espe...cially people that I feel "closest" to. If my house is a mess and it looks terrible... Tell me. Dont wait till i re-organize it then say "WOW YOUR HOUSE LOOKED LIKE SHIT, BUT ITS BETTER NOW!"
I ask time and time again... "Why does noone want to hang out with me? Why is everyone friendly until I attempt an "Outside of facebook" social setting?"
I am told "There's nothing wrong with you, Cait. Dont worry"
But I know it's a lie. If there was nothing wrong with me, then people would ask me to go out with them all the time... not once every 10 years.
Am I boring? Does the fact I throw out random statistics and pop culture references make me undesirable to be around? Do I smell? Am I too ugly to be seen with in public?
I see co-workers hang out together, and I feel sad. This rules out the "There's nothing wrong with you Cait, it's just that they dont have time to" excuse that gets thrown at me occasionally. Noone wants to hang out with me. Noone invites me to go shopping or paint walls or go for a walk or bike ride or thrift shopping or berry picking.
I wish I was okay with being a hermit and alone and holed up away from society, but there's some instict going on that says "Be around people" "Ba a part of the group" and DRIVES me to WANT to be involved with other people....
I CANT shut it off, and I feel trapped. I want to enjoy my life away from these untrustworthy lying backstabbing meatsacks.. I want to enjoy being alone... Coding for hours and hours and just being happy with that... But I cant.
So I must write a letter.
Dear Instincts:
Please shut off... or go to hell
thx
, Cait
