In Case you were wondering..

This is the last decent pic of snoop, before she died.

Last MOnday... 11:44PM...

I found her dead 9am the next morning..

...so this was at the MOST 9 hours before she died...


poor baby snoop ;-;


..might help if i put the link to the pic XD

-also- there be privato entryo too... so.


http://cait.netdojo.com/funspot/sn00p_last.jpg

Jebus..

Since.. Friday at 2pm.. I've had 1 hr of sleep total.. (which was last night from about 6-7) and like 1/2 hr before supper

Which is..

FRI
2pm
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
SAT
12am
1
2
3
4
5
6
7-sleep
8
9
10
11
12pm
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8- 1/2 hr of sleep
9
10
11
SUN
12am
1
2



35 1/2 hrs of almost constant no sleepy.


Of course this is nothing compared to 46hrs that one time in 9th grade...

but.


still.

I really dont feel all that tired.. which is horrid considering.. FRIDAY we went to the coldwater fair and trodded around all day.. and SATURDAY we went to fun spot all day and im sunburnt, physically exhausted.. and i hurt everywhere...

...but im not that tired XD its craaaazy...


either way, travis has been sleeping for 2 hrs. go figure :P

so i might as well soon anyway.. i think i may need a drink..

o.o??

Last night someone called Travis and..wanted him to 'come to a party and drink'

he said that he was at a friends house... and wouldnt go..

So then he went to sleep..

Woke up about.. 7? this morning... laughing cuz he fell out of bed...

I having no idea what he was laughing about, freaked out.. Well I dont know!!! maybe i spontaniously took my shirt off again in my sleep.. or something...

But he just fell out of bed and thought it was funny.. i guess..

Then i like....... fell asleep again.. i was tired.. :( im still tired.. but confused so i must post this..


So then he wakes me up an hour later... and he's like "...well hate to sleep and run but im guna go"

and im like "o_O? ..okay..."

So he took his things and left..

I have no idea why he left...... or anything.. I was under the impression we were gunna do stuff today *shrug*

I wonder if i did something.. (Or not did something) to make him madish? >.<


and OMFG..


last night i was in corys bed.. and... Corys damn police car toy started GOING OFF... and i was SO. EFFING. PISSED.. i HATE that and i can HEAR It and ugh.. so i go into corys room and kick a few boxes to get it to stop..

soi lay down awhile.. and i like. start hearing 'voices'.. saying very odd things? it wasnt really.. /hearing/ it was like.. saying in my mind.. like. if you told youself "i like pizza" without saying it.. that's how it was.. only i wasnt controlling what they were saying.. it was so.. RANDOM like "You have gang greennnn.." and "WHY did you come over?" and... "I hope we can play!" and "What if i get burned?"

Just random crap like that.. I duno ill have to talk to marianne about it.. IT was a bunch of little kids.. and.. i think 1 or 2 older.. maybe teens.. and like a few adults i think..

I duno.. Im going psycho @_@


but anyway.. so then the damn police car thing went off AGAIN... so i kicked the boxes.. it stopped..

then awhile later, it went off YET AGAIN.. i didnt even effing BOTHER with it, i just went into my room and slept on the floor..

:(

so been yellin at dad cuz he wont takea day off to go to college..

i asked him to do it a month ago and he said "ok"and hes like "well you can go in there by yourself"" and im like "um i dont think so i cant pay for it" "youre the one so you have to go or else theyll make me pick out classes and you only have 72hrs or else theyll call a colelctors and then everything will just be messed up... you cant take an effing HOUR out of your dad to go.. and omg.."

hes like "YOU, YOU, YOU"

and im like "YOU DIDNT, YOU DIDNT, YOU DIDNT"



so now im upset and crying.. and suppers done, but im not going out there..


i told them "I dont wanna go to school, the onyl reason i want a job is so i can pay for this crap then when i get done i dont even know what ill do then.. Cuz i DOTN wannado anything anymore.. nothing at all.."



and its true..


I dont want to do anything. I dont wanna go to school, ive been there enough in my life.. I dont want a job, what the hell do i need money for?



'oh to move out' right?

no

what would happen if i moved out?

i would go to work.. get to MY house.. exist.. eat ramen.. sleep, and go back to work!!!


WHY would i wanna do that EVER???!?!?!? i WOULDNT!!

I know thats how many peoples life is..

But i dont wanna be like other people..

When i was at shanes house..

His mom would go to bed at 10, wake up in the morning.. come home at like 4.. watch tv cook supper.. watch tv.. and go to bed..

If i had to live like that, i would kill myself.. it's not living.. It's slaving away to make money so you have a roof over your head..


I duno

I hate the way stuff works.

I know it's totally unavoidable.. im going to have ti someday

but what do i have to live for? I have nothing.

I dont wanna be anything when i 'grow up', I have no special 'people' in my life, I have no animals that need me..

my dad and cory hate me..

i have NOTHING...

and i hate it..

Im pretty much a waste of space... cory + dad always have more fun when i'm gone... when i'm gone to someones house im so effing lame i dont know what to do.. anything at all..

im such a horrible friend.. a horrible entertainer.. i cant even make people laugh anymore.. (could i ever?)... horrid daughter and sister.. I dont LIKE anything at all.. im like a sheep i do the bidding of whoever comes along to be my 'shepard'...

...lately i have no 'shepards'.. people tell me to be my own shepard.. but i cant.. id have to completely transform who i am..

..I'd like to do that very much though.. but i cant.. i just suck and..

I'm not going on IM anymore.. none of them.. it's pointless.

I need to ban myself from myspace + facebook.. I dont do anything all day but check it.. check it for messages that are never going to be sent.. friend requests that will never be requested.

i make it SOOOO easy to get ahold of me, yet NOONE does.. out of the 6 years ive spent on the internet.. in communities EVERY single effing day...... noone of them still... CARE enough to 'hunt me down' although it's not HARD.. you search for any amount of things related to me.. and you will find me, and everything..

There's no point.. I need to grow the hell up.. but i cant... I need some sort of dramatic change in my life to even start anything.. I need.... a mentor... a 'big brother/big sister' for emotionally challenged teenagers.


If i was any 'regular' teenager, id prolly go on and on *cough*likejoeXD*cough* about how ohh iwant to kill myself.. ohh i have a blaade in my hand.. whatever.

But i dont want to kill myself, i just want to simply ceast to exist. To never been born.

:|