Serenity

Aug. 22nd, 2007 07:59 pm
caitaro: (Default)
AHH so i finished watching this on Cinemax just now..

<3..
It was good.
It was very good..

But the series was better.. IN the series there was more..... character development.


IF someone hadnt seen the series, but saw the movie... theyd prolly be pretty confused.


But

(ZOMG SPOILERSZZ**Z**A**~*@*#*@********


I was glad simon didnt die.. I thought he was though.. after fighting the reavers..
in the movie though, We didnt get to see as much of his Amazing Simon <3 charm.. though..

It was pretty sad that wash and shepard died.. :(.. I wanted to find out what shepard book was BEFORE he was shepard :(

But omg wash' death was all ;_;.. hes like "Like a leaf in the wind i soar" and then something just comes down and smorks him.. and zoe is all ;-; and ;-;;;;

Twas sad...

END (ZOMG SPOILERSZZ**Z**A**~*@*#*@********


Yeah but simon + Kaylee totally got together and they were all kissin and awww;-;;;;; however in that shot you couldnt see simon AT ALL just kaylee ;_; but.. i wanted to see simon but pants ;-:

you know i really didnt like mal and simon's hair during the movie.. Insted of all.. poof it was jelled and swished.. :(

Also i REALLY didnt like it Simon wore weird clothes.. like that blue thing.... and..

i wanted him to wear the white thing and the vest thing ;_;...

but i was really surprised about River dude.... she was like.. pwning everything.. she PWNED all those reavers O_O...

but im glad that.. Simon + river were off the hook at the end.. maybe they can live a ~normal life...

and

i REALLLLLY HOPE THIS COMES OUT

http://www.fireflyseason2.com/Index.asp

firefly season 2... like what happens after Serenity.. the crew getting money still and whatnot.. not having to worry about the Alliance.. trying to kilL River..

ohhh <33333333

I must say, im in a state of emotional shock again.. and i have a headache..


Pan's labrynth is on later.. i want to see that also..


The ending of serenity i liked.

The most important thing is love.. Love will tell you evertything.. 'love'll make sure shell tell you before she dies'

when he said that i thought of snoop... I could tell she was going to die and i spent time with her that day.. i couldnt talk to her.. I wanted to so bad.. Everytime i tried.. I lost it.. Snoop loved me ;_;;;


Can't stop the signal.
caitaro: (Default)
This is the last decent pic of snoop, before she died.

Last MOnday... 11:44PM...

I found her dead 9am the next morning..

...so this was at the MOST 9 hours before she died...


poor baby snoop ;-;


..might help if i put the link to the pic XD

-also- there be privato entryo too... so.


http://cait.netdojo.com/funspot/sn00p_last.jpg

updates

Aug. 7th, 2007 11:39 pm
caitaro: (Default)
so yeah.. snoop was dead.



..and i saw HP 5..

they forked it up big time XD
caitaro: (Default)
I REALLLLLLYYY realllly think Snoop is dead..

I went to sleep at midnight last night... (for the first time all year)

woke up at 3.. COMPLETELY randomly... i didnt check on Snoop.


got something to drink....

went back to sleep..

sorta woke up at 6 this morning.. it was storming pretty bad.

Then at 9:30, this toy cory has started making noises.. so i went and kicked the box it was in and it quit

it's still raining a bit.. i went to the bathroom.. came out here.. opened the laundry room..

and i said "...Snoop?" and.. no reply.. she didnt look at me.. she didnt move.. she just.. was laying on the floor.. [she could very well just be sleeping o.o.. but i HIGHLY doubt it.. ]


Because I am a pile of emotional chicken shyt, I didnt go in to check.. so.. surprisingly enough I'm not bawling right now..

my eyes are a wet.. but.. for the most part i am shocked.. and i feel really sick.. :(

Ill have to wait till dad gets home and tell him.. and he'll take care of her..

Im just glad.. i spent a lot of last night with her.. (how could i not?) I set out a towel here by the computer.. she layed on it.. and i pet her.. and she purred.. here's the recording again... for archival purposes.. http://cait.netdojo.com/compression.wav and.. she tried hopping up in my lap but she couldnt so i put the towel in my lap and picked her up.. and she sat in my lap and purred like mad.. Eventually she hopped down and went back into the laundry room.. I set the big box of boxes in front of the laundry room... so that the door wasnt shut and got humid or anything.. she escaped right after supper time... and cory was flipping out and he picked her up by her scruff and like threw her back in there and i screamed at him... he didnt care obviously "I DONT CARE I /HOPE/ SHE DIES" at some point during the night... like at 11.. she escaped.. because i went to check on her.. and she wasnt THERE.. and noone knew WHERE she was... so we were looking.. she was laying in the bottom thing of my bookshelf... just laying there.. so i got a towel and picked her up and held her.. knowing that was probably the last time i was going to hold her.. lol yeah im bawling now >_> cant help it... but i held her and she purred.. and omg ;-;.. so i brang her into the laundry room and set her down.. and layed the towel out so she could lay on it if she wanted to..

back when she wasnt confined to the laundry room, sometime's she'd randomly lay in that shelf on my bookshelf.. for no reason.. and she'd just lay there for days.. maybe that's where she wanted to die.. i dont know.. I really wanted to be there when she died.. i didnt want her to feel alone and unloved..

I'd neglected loving her a lot since January... I neeeeded to get less attatched to her.. so i wouldnt go completely psycho when she DID die.. we took her to the vet.. nothing he could do.. said she wouldnt live another year.. I didnt believe him.. I left the vets office crying like mad and.. embarrased because there was other people there with their pets..

He does have a sign in his office saying "no whining" i dont think crying constitutes as whining but........ I felt really bad doing it.. and.. ugh.. i hate going there because i always leave crying and feeling horrible... I cant control crying.. It's the only emotion i do not have control over AT ALL and it frustrates me.. but.. what can i do?


..heh i calmed myself by reading idiots trying to legalize marijuana.. http://hs.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2318966938&topic=2456 stupid people.. HHAHAHHAHAAH.. stupid..




...I spoze... now i can get a kitten... If any of you knows where to get one >_>... I want one that's just barely weaned.. so hes still really tiny and.. shorthair.. and.. umm.. One that has been molested by children for practicly every day of their lives.. preferably before his eyes start turning colors.


here ill find pix.. of like.. ones that.. i'd be potentially interested in..

the orange one.. as travis would say.. "HAHAH OMG THEY ARE SPOONING!"


either.. aww.. orange..


the one on the left.. the himilayan.. OMG I <3 Himis.

either.. Awww it's almost drooly-like..


this one i dont want but.. LOOK ITS ALMOST TSAPHIEL!


it looks so much like baby travvy ;_;


awww

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

this ones too old.. but.. AWWWWWwwwwww


OMG.. this one is so cute XD


aww hugtackle ;-; if i had a significant other i would show this to them.


aww.. hes so tiny

HIMI ON LAPPY! what more could I want? XD

aww.. if i had this cat i would name him Mr. Stripey.

box ;-;






omg this one.. looks sort of human.. it's really freaking me out o_O;;

oh wow http://kittenwar.com/kittens/losers/ those are kinda scary XD



so yes.. these are several colors of kitten that i would like >_>

ohhhh... >_

Aug. 6th, 2007 03:21 am
caitaro: (Default)
Snoop is juicing out blood now.. i can feel her ribs and backbone.. and the huge lump in her stomache..
she is going to die soon.. perhaps tomarrow even.. all i can do is sit in the laundry room with her and bawl.

shanes going to come over tomarrow.. I hope she lasts um.. well forever >_> but for 2 days at least.. i dont want shane to see me like this...

Ugh.

Aug. 4th, 2007 05:02 pm
caitaro: (Default)
I cant go in the laundry room to fold laundry without bawling..


i wanna just throw her outside and scream at her "I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN"

blargg.














~I will steal your SOUL... WITH VIRGINITY!!~

Check out Comix at meh site.
(The Cait Portal)

http://cait.netdojo.com


;____;;

Aug. 4th, 2007 04:51 pm
caitaro: (Default)
Snoop's nose is dripping..

she's not moving around... and cant jump anymore..

she's going to die really soon..

and i dont know what im going to do ;_;

;-;..

Jan. 8th, 2007 03:45 pm
caitaro: (Default)
so dad finally asked me.. what we're gunna do with snoop..


I conjured every last bit of anti-tearness in me and said 'well she hAS to get the surgery"

and hes goin on about omg shes gunna eventually cuz pets dont live long unless its a sea turtle or something..


so ya.
im bawlin again ;-;

i cant take snoop in on thursday/friday..

i just cant...
caitaro: (Default)
So.. i could make this a big long post about how i hate everything and i love snoop and lifes not fair... but ill make it short cuz you've heard it too many times.. esp. lately..



Soooooooo i went to 'bed' at 3:30 today (am) and i was layin theree.. and im like.. blarg boring so i wrote some george washabush and snoop got on my back and was doin chiropractor and im all :'(...


So i pet her... and corys alarm went off and stuff and im pettin herrr and i feel this HUNORMOUS lump in her left side.. i mean.. i know she had somethin goin on but this was FLIPPIN HUGE...

and im like "omg omg omg.. snoop is going to die like TODAY.." and im all freaking out and i wanna take snoop out to dad but he'll get pised cuz im up and i didnt know wat to doo...

SO i go to corys room and poke himand demand him to get up.. and hes all "NO I HATE YOU" so then he gets up and im in the hallway thing by my room and snoops goin into my bathroom and im all ":''''''''''''('''(""("'''((''""'"""''''"""''(" and dads like.. "Um.. why are you up" and i try to say in the normalest voice i can "..because i can be.." so I pickd snoop up.. dad went into the kitchen.. i brought her in the kitchen set her on the counter.. and i feel for the lump thing and its gone.. and dads like "...wtf.. are you sick" .. i say "no" and so i walk around the corner thingy and im like trying to say this noral too but no it came out like ive been bawlin for hours... "..... .....snoop had this lump thing in her side and i wanted to show you but she got up and it went away.." and hes like "...um is that why you're up?"... i squeeked out "no.." and i went into my room and sat in the corner.. and then i fed my fishies and dad coems in and hes like "....Um just so you know im not pissed. i was just wondering if you were sick.. get some sleep kk?" i said "k...." and i watched my fish till they got done eatin and snoops on my bed.. i lay down in front of here and im like "snoop i hate you. i hate you because you're sick and theres nothing i can do about it" and so yeah im a big slobbery mess.. almost.. and here i am.. again posting..

i'm loosing ridiculous amounts of sleep over snoop.. and im tired all the time but nothing helps... its like.. I stay up all night... and play on compy then go in my room while dad goes to work and then get back on compy and then at like 10-11 i get really UBERLY tired and i cant help it and i pass out and i get woke up at like 2 cuz dads home and i force myself to stay up cuz he'll be like "OMG WTF R J0 SICK?" and its like WELL DUH IM SICK! BUT SO IS SNOOP! ;-; but omg i
i am so confused..

and school starts on monday.. i dont know what to do about snoop.. or me.. or sleeping.. i dont even know what effing day it is... unlesi look....

i CANT talk to anyone about snoop or i completely break down. i cant help it. at all..

and i wish i didnt do crap like that but blargity blarg and im getting no help from anyone at all and id talk to marianne but shes OBSESSED with "OMG TALK 2 NATASHAHAHASHA!"

Im gunna call up her office and see if i cant change my appt.. or something..

but nothing wil help and its a lost cause and *STABS SELF*;-;./
caitaro: (Default)
Yep.. so for about 2 hours after i posted about snoop i was a big wet slobbery mess..


and i am again..

I spent all night trying to occupy myself.. from lookin at fanfiction.. to..o_O mysteriously going to adultfanfiction.com and making up limericks.. and looking up random words.. all the wayto looking for replicas of auryn necklaces and auryn clocks from the neverending story..

so i went into my room.. ... at about 3...

..snoop wasthere.. she juiced on my unicorn blanket.. as normal.. but i didnt care.. i layed on top of it and my 2 hamtaro pillows... and started to get sniffly again.. so i whipped out a college psychology book.. I read about 20 chapters of it... and put it away.. my dad went to work.. i turned the light off and got under the unicorn blanket. still not caring it was juicey..


Then snoop woke up..

..and gave me free chiropractor samples.. and i realized. oh. this is probably one of the last times she would everr do it..

It's also the only way any living thing will ever get their hands/paws CLOSE to my back.. or well.. me in general.. if you know me at all.. i dont like being touched... o.o... but i like it.. it feels good.. and she purrs... and it makes me sleepy..

but no..

i started bawling like a baby and used about 50 kleenexes..

and now my pillow is like soaked.. so i came out here to write this..

because.. i cant sleep with her in there.. it's too painfull.. yet.. i really want to.. its hard for me to sleep if i dont have her with me...

ive read.. in some chikan soup books about people and their pets who would lick them to get them up in the morning.. ended up dying.. and i totally bawled at the end of those too...

but the thought never crossed my mind that this may actually happen to me....

ooh... she came out here.. ;-;-;;;;;;;;;;



*pets her*
...

this is.. hands down the most painfull thing in my life..

snoop has always been there.. she was born on july 3 1994... i was mad because i wanted to go to the fair im like "SCREW THE KITTNES I WANNA GO"" but snoop came out backward and mom had to like.. pull her out and stuff...

and we made collers for her... and i made stupid pipe cleaner collers and ones out of yarnn.. and shes just ALWAYS been there,, when i moved.. when i was depressed and hated jonesville.. when every last GOD DAMNNED friend ive ever had left me (besides shane + travis).. when my parents got into fights.. when they went out of their way to embarrass me.. when my mom died... when i was afraid to start college.. she was always there.. always on my bed.. sleeping.. and shes not gunna be there anymore and i just dunno...

the only.. moderately healthy cat we got right now is retard + whiteface.. they're only IN the house on average like 6 days a month... tooter is. ... deteriorating.. and travis... doesnt even come around anymore...



there was someone on the internet who once said... and i cant find it so i dont know exactly.. but..

"everything you've ever liked, ever loved will be taken away"

..this is so effing true with me..

and you know what.. i dont want another kitten.. .. no i lied.. id LOVE another kitten.. but i dont want one because i dont want to go through the pain of loosing it.. Thats a big problem i have.. fear of pain.. I'm afraid to do a lot of things because im afraid i will be hurt.. so i sacrifice any hint of love or happiness... for the security of knowing i wont be hurt...

and it sucks..

because i just get hurt anyway. hard.

and this is why i dont look for more friends... Because they are just gunna leave me too..




which leads me to the conclusion.. that i really.. REALLY.. really want to spend the rest of my life couped up on a deserted island with noone else.. that way... i wont have to deal with death.. i wont have to deal.. with pain and suffering... with getting everything ive ever loved taken way from me.. i know this is extremely selfish but i really do want it..

i want to be away from it all. .to escape..

i guess this is why people do drugs. to escape..

well i dont want to loose my intelligence.. its the only thing i got goin for me.. so dont be worried about that. lol... but i fear that is also going.. every day i find something more and more.. that i forget or do wrong... my short term memory 2-4 hours is virtually nonexistant.. dad will tell me to do laundry and i wont do it.. i just.. dont remember.. before.... it'd totally be done no questions asked.. i cant even remember to do the EFFING laundry.. and even with computers.. ill do soemthing in photoshop.. for ex.. something that you do a LOT like.. a mask or something.. and ill totally forget where it is.. and ill have to go through all the menus just lookin for it... no matter HOW many times i go back and find it.. i cant remember it..

whcih is the math problem too. I dont know what 6x4 is. i have no effing idea.. not without pullin my fingers out and going like.. ko.. 6.. 12... 18... 19 20 21 22 23 24 25... Ok.. 25.. you can drill that into my head all youd like but i will NEVER. EVER. remember that.. I know i have some sort of forked up brain thing going on.. but it goes undiagnosed.. along with my physical problems..

I should just end my life.. it's not worth it. totally..
But i cant..

and its just

so confuzzled and no idea whats going on and whats gunna happen to me or my computer or snoop or the lint in the dryer or the sticky pop on the keyboard or anything...

life is going by so fast i dont get to stop and think about what im doing..

i wish everythng would go back to how it was.......

back to having vivid feelings.. having 3590239 friends who <3d me.. being able to REMEMBER and THINK!! not worrying about how and when and why my life is crumbling around me...

if my dads back goes out ill have to get a job.... ...... i dont even wanna think about that.. thatd be such a mess.. we cant afford to even.. miss 1 paycheck of his..

oh jesus.. i know you are outside.. and also my cat.. but i wish stuff wasnt so hard..



yes i realize that this is a rambly post that evolved from snooop to suicide lol.. but yeah ignore it if youd like... ill probably forget 1/2 the things i wrote about in a few hours anyway...................
caitaro: (Default)
So we took snoop to the vet today.. and

he gave her her boosters...

and he said the only thing he could do...

is either

a.) Get her fixed.. surgery..

b.) put her to sleep...

But if she gets surgery.. she is a very high risk cuz shes 12 yrs old.. which is 70 hrs old in human years..

i saw it on his chart thing..

but..

so omg i tried sooooooo SOOOO effing hard not to start bawling on the way out.. but i couldnt do it..

and i just bawled all the way home... and even since we got home..

and now im just a big wet slobbery mess and i duno what to doooo ;-;;;


He said the way snoop is she wouldnt last another year.....

if we put her to sleep then she (obviously) wouldn't survive.....

if she gets the surgery... then there's a high chance that she wont wake up.... or make it through the surgery...


AND I DONT EVEN EFFING KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

If she gets the surgery... we gotta take her in at 8am.. and /I/ have to do it because dad has to work...


and there's no effing way in HELL that i could last that day... not knowing if she was ok or not..

...and she just jumped up on my lap ;-;..

and there's DEFINATELY NO EFFING way in whiteface's DILMA that i could take the phonecall to see weither or not to pick her up...

and omfg i dunooooooooo

i dunnnnnoo ;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;


;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-------;--;;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;;;;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;--;;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;;;;;;
caitaro: (Default)
Well sp00nyis officially crazy XD he rambled on about like.. random things today o_O


anyway.. back to babysitting...... woo.


6/20/2006 10:24:37 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] so i went to toris..
6/20/2006 10:24:40 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] we watched TV..
6/20/2006 10:24:42 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] got her food..
6/20/2006 10:24:50 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] Danielle came over
6/20/2006 10:24:52 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] we went swimming
6/20/2006 10:24:55 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] tori got cold somehow..
6/20/2006 10:24:57 PM [Wind_Sp00n] ~ * Cait * ~ i dont have a job :(
6/20/2006 10:24:58 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] so she got out
6/20/2006 10:25:02 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] me and danielle were swimming..
6/20/2006 10:25:12 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] Tori got pissed.. went in the house... and locked us out..
6/20/2006 10:25:18 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] and my keys were nin her house..
6/20/2006 10:25:23 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] in*
6/20/2006 10:25:28 PM [Wind_Sp00n] ~ * Cait * ~ that sucks
6/20/2006 10:25:32 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] so we swam fora bit
6/20/2006 10:25:36 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] cory called..
6/20/2006 10:25:39 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] so she had to open the door then
6/20/2006 10:25:45 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] cory told me he let travis out
6/20/2006 10:25:47 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] then toris like
6/20/2006 10:25:58 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] "i should THROW THIS IN THE POOL!!! Then you'd both DIE and id be HAPPY"
6/20/2006 10:26:01 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] and im like "........"
6/20/2006 10:26:10 PM [Wind_Sp00n] ~ * Cait * ~ wtf
6/20/2006 10:26:26 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] So i didnt say anything about it the rest of the day
6/20/2006 10:26:28 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] but i told my dad..
6/20/2006 10:26:31 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] and he told her mom..
6/20/2006 10:26:33 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] so *shrug*
6/20/2006 10:26:37 PM [Wind_Sp00n] ~ * Cait * ~ WOOO
6/20/2006 10:26:40 PM [Wind_Sp00n] ~ * Cait * ~ Go cait ^^
6/20/2006 10:26:44 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] i wanted to talk to her
6/20/2006 10:26:46 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] but dads like
6/20/2006 10:26:52 PM ~ * Cait * ~ [Wind_Sp00n] "blargity blarg blarg i must do it"


First name is who says it..

Um.. snoop isnt juicing anymore yay!! ^^

Travis is still... nothaving control over his poopingness =(

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