Cait's Ramblings

1/20/2007 1:17:29 AM caiternoodle: ...and.. i put my pants on backwards o_O
1/20/2007 1:17:35 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): lmao
1/20/2007 1:17:57 AM caiternoodle: ok so
1/20/2007 1:18:02 AM caiternoodle: how many wpm do you type?
1/20/2007 1:18:26 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): alot
1/20/2007 1:18:26 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): '
1/20/2007 1:18:28 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): why
1/20/2007 1:18:33 AM caiternoodle: lol
1/20/2007 1:18:34 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): when im on a good keyboard that is
1/20/2007 1:18:38 AM caiternoodle: what #~!
1/20/2007 1:18:45 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): i dunno
1/20/2007 1:18:47 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): >_>
1/20/2007 1:18:49 AM caiternoodle: :o
1/20/2007 1:18:50 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): >_>*flipped*
1/20/2007 1:18:53 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): *runs away
1/20/2007 1:18:54 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): yay
1/20/2007 1:18:55 AM caiternoodle: so like
1/20/2007 1:18:56 AM caiternoodle: 40?
1/20/2007 1:19:02 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): perhaps
1/20/2007 1:19:12 AM caiternoodle: lol.
1/20/2007 1:19:17 AM caiternoodle: youll never guess mine >_>
1/20/2007 1:19:22 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): like 10 million
1/20/2007 1:19:25 AM caiternoodle: XD
1/20/2007 1:19:28 AM caiternoodle: CLOSE!
1/20/2007 1:20:08 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): wait mine is 60 wpm or something
1/20/2007 1:20:28 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): on a decent keybord that is and when im not drinking coffee
1/20/2007 1:20:34 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): so youtrs like 20,000
1/20/2007 1:21:00 AM caiternoodle: noz.
1/20/2007 1:21:05 AM caiternoodle: actually.
1/20/2007 1:21:14 AM caiternoodle: When i have to read on the screen what to type
1/20/2007 1:21:20 AM caiternoodle: (like on a typing test thing)
1/20/2007 1:21:23 AM caiternoodle: its 122 :OOOOOOOO
1/20/2007 1:21:29 AM caiternoodle: crazyness HM???
1/20/2007 1:21:39 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): yes
1/20/2007 1:21:43 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): *runs away*
1/20/2007 1:21:53 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): hahhahahaha
1/20/2007 1:22:24 AM caiternoodle: :O
1/20/2007 1:22:24 AM caiternoodle: O NO
1/20/2007 1:22:27 AM caiternoodle: *Chase*
1/20/2007 1:22:37 AM caiternoodle: *throws a fiberoptic sausage at you*
1/20/2007 1:22:38 AM caiternoodle: TAKE THAT!~!!!
1/20/2007 1:23:12 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): lmfao
1/20/2007 1:23:21 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): i got pwnd by a sausage fest
1/20/2007 1:23:24 AM caiternoodle: XD
1/20/2007 1:23:48 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): didnt know the star wars geeks were around >_>
1/20/2007 1:23:59 AM caiternoodle: 0.o.
1/20/2007 1:24:04 AM caiternoodle: huh?
1/20/2007 1:24:13 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): star wars geeks on this forum were all dudes
1/20/2007 1:24:19 AM caiternoodle: oo...
1/20/2007 1:24:23 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): thus making star wars geeks sausage fest
1/20/2007 1:24:26 AM caiternoodle: what are they gunna be?
1/20/2007 1:24:28 AM caiternoodle: GIRLS?
1/20/2007 1:24:29 AM caiternoodle: LOL!
1/20/2007 1:24:35 AM caiternoodle: girls dont exist on the internet
1/20/2007 1:24:38 AM caiternoodle: you should knwo this by now
1/20/2007 1:24:46 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): naw they do
1/20/2007 1:25:05 AM caiternoodle: lol.
1/20/2007 1:25:19 AM SegaGeek4Life2(PSO): just no girl wants to date me >.<
1/20/2007 1:25:38 AM caiternoodle: what if i knew this one that did



XD

..sausages.. heehhehehehehe..

*edits pic* >_>
...wtf its not showin up..

ok.

Cait: Heyyy Kids!!! Guess what time it is again?
3497 random kids: CAITARANT!!!!!!
Cait: That's RIGHT! :D It's CAITARANT!!!
3497 random kids: CAAAAAIIIITTTAAARANNNNTTTTTTTT!!!!!!

Yep..
so.. we had our little meeting today..
and i need to write the essay for the JEA scholarship..
Then i need to fill out 500 billion more scholarships... at fastweb and here and whatnot..
Tell marianne about no social security...
Get art books for jessica... (not neccisarily right now...)


i had to write those down first cuz i NEED to do that.. and knowing me i will forget...

Alright so it was me, Mr. loveless, my dad, mrs bro, mrs griffiths, + mrs. hartley....

and we talked about college.. what credit hours were.. God i forgot by now.. me and dad were just in a fight >_>...

but.. dad was making crap up.. Saying i dont apply for scholarships because i feel as if im 'begging for money'.. Um.. i never said that.. if people want to give me money then.. umm ill TAKE IT O_o.. The only thing like that i said was.. That i will not write a letter/essay whatever.. telling people about how my mom is DEAD.... thats.. just using her.. as an excuse... and i will not do that... It'd prolly be like her though to say "Ohh.. just tell them about how i died.. i mean if its free money, its free money.." but.. im not like her...

But.. my dad says all this crap like.. "I never had the oppertunity to go to college blah de blah... your mom SAID i could go but then i couldntt blah..." and "I refuse to fill out the FAFSA... we dont apply to it and whatnot..we own too much land and make too much money. THEY DONT NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH I MAKE!! SHES THE ONE GOIN THERE!!!!!!!!!! NOT ME!!!!!" who the FKING HELL DOES get money from the fafsa? You kinda have to be on welfare in order to get anything from it.. My dad doesnt even make enough money to pay for our house... But he does spend the money unwisely... Buying flipping cigarettes.......

Mr. Loveless did say though.. that I have been one of the most talented students to come through Jonesville in a long time...

I was extremely touched by this...

...and that this one girl was in a simular situation back in '93... that she was the neglected child and she had no money.. they had to live in subsidary housing... and whatnot.. but she got started at clevelend Institute of art.. and she eventually had to take out loans... and went to art institute of chicago... and so she.. even went to yale and graduated from there.... so... he told that to my dad and hes like "Yar." SO we got ANOTHER Fafsa application.. and ANOTHER book thiing... and @_@... yea stuff like that so we left.. and dads like "THE WHOLE PLACE IS RIGGED!!!" cuz he found a microphonecover thing..... joking with them like they were friends... >_>....
So we were at my locker and he said "god.. all this will do is end up drowning me in taxes..." So i said "...Im not the one FORCING you to!! its THEM.. I'm not making you.. they're just.. flippin peer pressuring me into all of this..."

So we go home.... on the way hes like "well i know what a fulll time student is now.. 12 credit hours which is like 3-4 classes..."
Dad also said "Your mom could do it.. even nursing school.. raise you.. and deal with me all at the same time!! SO. CAN. YOU."
and i said "mom was a FLIPPIN genious.. and im not.. im flippin stupid..."
he said "your not stupid.. Your mom might ahve talked to you and told you you're stupid.. she did that to me too...."
so here he goes.. incorperating MOM in every EFFIN THING!!
..yeah.. mmk dont care..
then we GOT home.. and hes like "so.. what's this transcript thing?" and i said "..... Its all your GRADES......" so i go out and get it and hes like "HEY I WASNT DONE!!!!" and so i got them and came out and he said "...you just WALKED AWAY!!" and i said "..i was GETTING THEM!!!" god.. So i got them.. he was cooking supper... before he started cooking corys like "I WANNA RIDE MY GO KART!!" and dad said "..i JUST got done with CAITLINS Crap and JUST WAIT it DOESNT even RUN RIGHT!!!" so cory cried and stomped off and... Not everyone at once now.... "SLAMMED HIS DOOR!!!!"

SO i went back out here to start typin this.. and he comes out and i say "should i tell them i dont have enough math credits? i would give us an extra year to get this.. frickin college thing down..." and hes like "Umm.. how do you not?" so i explain to him AGAIN.. that i took algebra I twice and the 2nd time it counted as an elective.. HOWEVER... on our schedules.. it said "schedules adjusted to meet graduation requirements.." and mine wasnt adjusted and so hes like "WELL THEY WOULD HAVE cAUGHT ITTT.. BLAHH just PLAY DUMB TILL YOU GRADUATE.." and i say "well it would be EASIER on us.. id still get social security.. i GUESS I'd still get insurance..." the only downside i can see to telling them about it is this: 1.) They might say "Ohhh youve been so good we'll just count physics as a math credit... or 2.) Theyd say "ohh take a summer school math class.."

Soo.. because dad's an idiot.. he randomly said "... i didnt ask for your mom your mom to die.."
and i.. couldnt handle it.. im SICK and FRICKING tired of him obsessing over mom so you knwo what i blew up on him..
and i yelled "SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.. YOUR JUST FRICKIN OBSESSED WITH HER!!!!!"
Then he's quiet for a bit.. then he said "well.. she was the only thing i had.."
Hmm.. according to HER... "oh you have a roof over your head and food to eat.. LOOKS LIKE *YOURE* ***FINE***."
at least he had something.. I never had anything..... XD you know what.. I've had an online journal longer than i've ever had a real friend.. I find that hillarious..
Yes mr. journal.. You are.. the only thing i have~~~~ If you somehow mysteriously get deleted. I think i will obsess over you for the rest of my life. I will tell my children.. ".......My journal.. was everything to me.. *SNIFF*.. i never asked for it to be deleted..... and *choke* ILLNEVERHAVEANOTHERJOURNALAGAIN *start bawling*
XDD!!! *DIES laughing* *crys cuz its so FORKIN sad...*

cuz like.. ok.. then dads like "well you need to develop some social skills"
i say "well i CANT. cuz everyones an IDIOT so i dont TALK to them.."
he says "SEE ITS THAT ATTITUDE RIGHT THERE.. THAT WILL GET YOU NOWHERE.. YOU THINK YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO MUCH SMARTER THAN THEM!! BUT YOU'RE NOT!!!!"
so i say "Um.. so you're saying people who go out... get drunk.. get high.. get pregnant... are smarter.. than ME!?!?"
he says "...No.. but there ARE people who dont do that."
Then i laugh.
There's about a total population in the world of about 10 people over 15 yrs old.... under 30.. who arent OBSESSED WITH GOD.. who dont.. drink.. smoke.. and sex.. And about 7 of them live SOMEWHERE ELSE.
Generally i dont have a problem talking to adults. Because GENERALLY they're past the raging hormone phase.... unfortunatly.. my dad is not..
so dad says "just cuz people wear shorts and wear makeup doesnt make them do that!!"
..No it doesnt.. but GENERALLY.. people who do wear shorts so short and up their buttcrack with thongs hanging out... and are so insecure about themselves they must color their face every day....... ARE.. HO'S... they DO drink. They DO smoke. They DO sex. Why? cuz they're idiots.. and i cant stand them.. Ever..

and so dad says "Well.. in this day and age.. you have to interact with people.. you cant just seclude yourself away from everyone else.."

well you know what i have to say to that? Watch me.

If i were to go back next year.. i can take my math class.. perhaps take a crapload of IS art and Compy classes.. Id actually graduate with people i care about... Shane and travis wouldnt be lonely without me... well i know travis wouldnt :P~ but :\..
I can fill out more scholarships... and grants and loans and figure out all the stuff i need.. I might be able to improve on my social skills.. (HA!)

But.. I am going to tell someone tomarrow.. Mrs. Roselle if she's here.. if not.. Mr. Loveless.. maybe both.. i duno...


I just.. hate that everyone is trying to do stuff for me.. and i dont want them to.. Come on.. noone should have to go out of their way for me.. Noone. I'm not worth it..

and you're telling yourself.. "Um.. Cait.. you ARE worth it.. your a talented young kid and blah de frickity blahh."

well i'm not.. Im not smart.. Smart is relative.. Sure im smart compared to my seminar tutor student. XD!!! but im not compared to like.. Vanessa... Compared to her im like... complete.. idiot..

and it shows.. ON my Meap test i got a 3 on everything except social studies.. which was a 4.. and science which was a 2. the only reason i got a 2 on science was because 1/2 of it was physics and i was IN physics when i took it..

I retain hardly ANY knowledge..... If you gave me a quiz for some 6th grade science class.. I would bomb it horribly..
Give me a 6th grade math quiz and id prolly bomb that too.. English i might pass barely... because i know... usage.. but.. god... I don't even know my times tables... Give me 3x4 and i dont know it off hand.. i have to say.. ok.. 4.. 8... 9, 10, 11, 12.. ok its 12.. Because i cant remember it.. i just cant... and even with english.. give me a paper to correct grammer and spelling mistakes and i could do VERY good at it.. however... ask me to find the participial phrases... ask me to point out all the noun clauses.. find the adverbs... delete all the prepositions.. and.. i would bomb it horribly.. This is why im afraid of college partially..
Cuz..... I can do... some things.. but i cant do.. flippin.. basics.. i dont even know 3 x 4 for crying out loud... im just.. so horribly STUPID!!! and noone believes me.. but i am.. and i cant stand it..

and i feel just like disapearing off the face of the earth.. I really want to.. I think it would be less stressfull on more people than stressfull on some if i were just gone... however.. the people i care about would be the ones feeling most stress.. and people i moderatly and dont care about would feel less stress.. But..

Because murphy has it in for me.. all the people i care about will die... everything i once liked / like will be gone... people will continue to be stupid forever... That's just how it is... and i hate it and there's nothing i can do about it at this point... because everyone is SOOOoo discriminated by age.. I'm a lot more mature than a lot of adults out there.. yet... I cant vote... I cant drive.. I cant BREATHE without someone watching me... and even with bush tapping the phone lines. Yea that makes me feel a lot better :\... and the government giving us a number.. and labeling us.. I think i will sell my identity on ebay... hitch a ride on a boat to a remote tropical island.. and live there alone till i die. Or if murphy follows me... where i live there immortally.


Kind of why i hate religion... all these people say "oh im christian!!".... dont christians.. like... believe that... lust is a sin? and whatever? i dont know all the sins and whatnot... But i should think that.. doing illegal acts are sins too? Yet.. all these people who claim to be christian.. get high.. drunk.. and be slutty everywhere... but OOOHH waiit!!! Someone came a long and said "Oh god forgives all sins!!!!"

Um.. if 'he' does.. then....... WHY HAVE THEM IN THE FIRST EFFING PLACE?? we had a heated discussion about this in 10th grade.. people started fighting and then Mr. Claus just said "ok stop."

This is kinda why i'm friends with a lot of little kids.. they're pure.. for the moment.. They havent.. been tainted by alcohol.. drugs.. lust.. porn... it saddens me though.. That someday.. most of them will be heavily tainted..

But me? Naahhhhh Ive never drank.. never ever done drugs. I dont look at porn.. and.. i have no lust whatsoever.. I'm an asexual. A "nonlibidoist"
I suppose maybe some people would say.. "God your life sucks you never have fun!!"

Yes.. yes it does suck.. and i never have fun.. I dont even remember what fun was like...

Which is why i have a lack of opinion on things.. Im a life apathetic.. I dont care.. Why dont i care? i have no emotion twords most things..
I wish i could care.. I wish i could tell you... Wheither i enjoy corndogs or sausage more.. But somethin inside me says "..well.. i dont care about corndogs.. and i dont care about sausage.." however if you were to say "do you enjoy chicken or lettice?" i would say chicken because that's one of the few things i feel strongly about.. Either i feel strongly about something.. or i dont care...

I have incredible self control / discipline though.. i suppose would explain why i dont drink and such.. ive grown up and people have always been like.. woo dont drink.. and i never had the desire.. and in the event i was pressured id be like "no go screw a log.. Wait you already did that.."


Ive watched in movies and whatever.. people with dissociate amnesia and fugue.. they loose their personality.. Ive always wondered if it were to be possible to have an operation done where you could loose it.. or do something specific to trigger it.. I think it would be interesting to have it done.. but if i were to have it done would i know about it? Are people's personalitys linked to their 'souls'??? So if your personality were to go away.. You as you know yourself.. would not exist but something else would take over your body??????? It confuses me.. but it's so damn interesting.. I wish i knew more about it..


So i've ran out of things for the caitarant... Of course i got off the subject of college because i hate it.. People are obsessed with it and i just.. dont care.......
Lets try not to get back on subject :P I already have a headache..

WEll so ive been typing/arguing for 2 hours and im done for now....

Cya l8r mr. journal my secret lover the only thing i ever had~ <3

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELOGN TO US.
YOU HAVE NO TIME!
NO TIME AT ALL

*SMASHES YOUR WATCH*

BWAHAHHAHA

anywaysss.. o_O


today i sat at home

and did nothing.

i played ffx2 and beat a bosss and watched a sphere in 2 mintues.
why?

becasue for some reason my new game + is gone..
my beat the game data is corrupted..
and i started a new game + a while ago.. however.. its elvel 99.. >_>
but oh well.
maybe i can focus on some sphere grids
:P
then i sleeped for a bit

then i talked to ppl
which is always fun
yayay